Last night I woke up out of my sleep in unbelievable pain. My head felt like a burning hot sharp knife was launching into my head over and over at the speed of light. I actually woke up whining and crying. It woke up Hubbin. I couldn't talk I was in so much pain, Finally I got the word migraine out. Hubbin rushed and got me the tylenol which is the best thing I can take pregnant. That didn't work. He got up five times in a hour and a half or so and got hot oatmeal compresses.
That didn't work, it only dulled the pain a little. My head hurt to the point I couldn't lay it on the pillow because the pressure was excruciating. So I was sitting upright with my arms and hands on pillows cause everything in my body at that point felt heavy. i was moaning and crying with the pain. Then hubbin helped me into a hot shower. The steam helped some but the headache came rushing back.
Finally I couldn't take the pain anymore and I knew what was coming. I yelled for hubbin to get a bucket, I was at the end, I was going to vomit. That is what happens with my migraines. The pain goes on and and on for hours and then my body literally can not stand it any longer and I hurl. Vomitting was the only thing that helped to ease back the pain.
Hubbin and I went to sit on the couch cause I still couldn't lay down, he put his arm around me, and I was able to tilt my head on his arm and he and I fell asleep like that till I woke up and got throw for him to cover with.
Through the whole thing he kept me hydrated and helped me through the pain. today, I still have a mmm somewhat headache, like the kind that stays on the finges doesn't go away but isn't overly aggressive either. I was able to get up do laundry, make dinner, between periodically having to lay down from the headache or fatigue.
I thank God for my husband. - And i tell him so. I was in so much pain last night I literally could not see. I couldn't think straight and I was scared to do anything because my balance was off. He helped me through all that. Thank God for my covering.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
Feet and Small Woodland Creatures
Nothing new to report thank God. I am believing that our little Alexander is doing great.
So we are riding along in the car coming from getting my gran gran some candy. And
I feel the need to say to hubbin, "I am still a person. I am not just wife, mommy, incubator etc. I am Keda, I am sexy, and fun and relevant." Hubbin just looks at me smiles and says, "so we are in that stage of the pregnancy are we."
I look at him and bust out laughing. It is good to be with someone who has been with you long enough to have perspective. Yes I am at that stage in the pregnancy.
When i look down at my rapidly expanding belly, boobs that have just recently stopped hurting, cheeks that look like I am hiding small woodland creatures in them and feet that are splayed and I swear are growing right before my eyes. I have to remind myself of who I really am cause this is not it.
So in the midst of all of this giggling in the car. I announce I am going to go and get my hair and feet and brows done tomorrow. Why?
To remind myself, that I am a sexy, fun, relevant, slightly (well a LOT) more plump than usual woman. Aaaannnd i deserve time to revisit the woman that I am, even while I occupy the titles of wife, mama, daughter, preggars etc, that I hold.
Battle Cry: This one is simply from me to all my fellow preggars.
You are still beautiful, sexy, fun, and relevant.
So we are riding along in the car coming from getting my gran gran some candy. And
I feel the need to say to hubbin, "I am still a person. I am not just wife, mommy, incubator etc. I am Keda, I am sexy, and fun and relevant." Hubbin just looks at me smiles and says, "so we are in that stage of the pregnancy are we."
I look at him and bust out laughing. It is good to be with someone who has been with you long enough to have perspective. Yes I am at that stage in the pregnancy.
When i look down at my rapidly expanding belly, boobs that have just recently stopped hurting, cheeks that look like I am hiding small woodland creatures in them and feet that are splayed and I swear are growing right before my eyes. I have to remind myself of who I really am cause this is not it.
So in the midst of all of this giggling in the car. I announce I am going to go and get my hair and feet and brows done tomorrow. Why?
To remind myself, that I am a sexy, fun, relevant, slightly (well a LOT) more plump than usual woman. Aaaannnd i deserve time to revisit the woman that I am, even while I occupy the titles of wife, mama, daughter, preggars etc, that I hold.
Battle Cry: This one is simply from me to all my fellow preggars.
You are still beautiful, sexy, fun, and relevant.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
20 weeks and Severe Sciatica
Yaaaayyyy, I am 20 weeks and two days into our pregnancy. i am so excited. I am blessed.
Vitals, blood pressure border line, runs mostly 124/84 or so sometimes over 85.
Weight, high...yeah i feel huge
Fatigue, still unreal, can not stay woke past 8pm. I am tired all the time, even after walks, eating fruit and veggies, I am tired. But it is better than first trimester.
And now here coooooommmmmmmesss the Sciatica.
For those of you who don't know, Sciatica is fairly common in pregnancy. I had it before with daughter but it was third trimester I believe. This time, along with the neck pains, and the fatigue, I have severe sciatica in my butt. To the point that when i stand or try to climb stairs, two very sharp pains stab me literally in my butt and goes down my legs. I can't really make it up or down stairs without that happening. When i stand it happens, and today of all days, i sat on the couch and felt it on both sides. But in time this goes away. And then of course it comes back probably in third trimester.
I am so excited to be getting further and further towards third trimester and meeting Alexander.
Today was Christmas we had a wonderful wonderful time. Alayna and her cousins had a wonderful time. Mama and daddy are tired.
No battle cry today. instead Thank You God for our Savior Jesus Christ.
Vitals, blood pressure border line, runs mostly 124/84 or so sometimes over 85.
Weight, high...yeah i feel huge
Fatigue, still unreal, can not stay woke past 8pm. I am tired all the time, even after walks, eating fruit and veggies, I am tired. But it is better than first trimester.
And now here coooooommmmmmmesss the Sciatica.
For those of you who don't know, Sciatica is fairly common in pregnancy. I had it before with daughter but it was third trimester I believe. This time, along with the neck pains, and the fatigue, I have severe sciatica in my butt. To the point that when i stand or try to climb stairs, two very sharp pains stab me literally in my butt and goes down my legs. I can't really make it up or down stairs without that happening. When i stand it happens, and today of all days, i sat on the couch and felt it on both sides. But in time this goes away. And then of course it comes back probably in third trimester.
I am so excited to be getting further and further towards third trimester and meeting Alexander.
Today was Christmas we had a wonderful wonderful time. Alayna and her cousins had a wonderful time. Mama and daddy are tired.
No battle cry today. instead Thank You God for our Savior Jesus Christ.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
It's a Boy!!!!!
18 weeks and six days.
We had our ultrasound on Thursday and we are so pleased to announce we are having a little boy. I love him so much already. His name is Alexander Emmerson. A strong name for a strong man.
I have gained lots of weight. I will have to work it out. I am doing pretty good. Tired from the pregnancy and the thyroid, tired a little short of breathe and just fatigued in general.
Blood pressure scare, just like last time. But no protein in pee, no swelling thank you Jesus.
I am sitting here laughing I was soooo sooo sure we had an Amaya on board, the Lord said no, I give you a son. He, the Lord God is correct in all his ways.
We have decided that this will be our last child, praise God. We think two is enough. I am sad about that in a way, glad and accepting in another way. I always wanted lots of children. But my husband has not always wanted a gang of kids.
Plus pregnancy is hard on my body. Although our little Alex has been good to his mama, I have been extremely tired from the beginning. Like extremely. I have had a headache everyday for two weeks straight. Sometimes short of breathe, makes it hard to work, cause i have to catch the headache before it turns into a full blown migraine. They want to give me stronger stuff, i stick with the Tylenol. But not as sick with nausea as I was with Alayna.
It is something when you realize you are deciding to not have any more children, but something else when you are filled with awe and praise and gratefulness for the child you are carrying.
It is a wonderful awesome privilege and responsibility to be carrying this little boy. God is soo good. I pray that Alayna and Alexander are close and the loves her and protects her even though he is the lil brother. hahaha....
I still wake up everyday and pray for my baby. This time though I know who I am praying for. I pray to God that Alexander is a good man, loving, strong, smart. A man who's heart and character is found in his love for the Lord. A man that brings honor to his family, and who continues this family name.
I have started praying even more for my husband too. That God will teach him how to be a father of a man/son just as he has taught him and me to be a father/mother of a daughter.
God is good and I am tickled blue... Welcome Alexander... Mommy loves you.
Battle Cry:
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Ps 127:3-5 (NAS)
We had our ultrasound on Thursday and we are so pleased to announce we are having a little boy. I love him so much already. His name is Alexander Emmerson. A strong name for a strong man.
I have gained lots of weight. I will have to work it out. I am doing pretty good. Tired from the pregnancy and the thyroid, tired a little short of breathe and just fatigued in general.
Blood pressure scare, just like last time. But no protein in pee, no swelling thank you Jesus.
I am sitting here laughing I was soooo sooo sure we had an Amaya on board, the Lord said no, I give you a son. He, the Lord God is correct in all his ways.
We have decided that this will be our last child, praise God. We think two is enough. I am sad about that in a way, glad and accepting in another way. I always wanted lots of children. But my husband has not always wanted a gang of kids.
Plus pregnancy is hard on my body. Although our little Alex has been good to his mama, I have been extremely tired from the beginning. Like extremely. I have had a headache everyday for two weeks straight. Sometimes short of breathe, makes it hard to work, cause i have to catch the headache before it turns into a full blown migraine. They want to give me stronger stuff, i stick with the Tylenol. But not as sick with nausea as I was with Alayna.
It is something when you realize you are deciding to not have any more children, but something else when you are filled with awe and praise and gratefulness for the child you are carrying.
It is a wonderful awesome privilege and responsibility to be carrying this little boy. God is soo good. I pray that Alayna and Alexander are close and the loves her and protects her even though he is the lil brother. hahaha....
I still wake up everyday and pray for my baby. This time though I know who I am praying for. I pray to God that Alexander is a good man, loving, strong, smart. A man who's heart and character is found in his love for the Lord. A man that brings honor to his family, and who continues this family name.
I have started praying even more for my husband too. That God will teach him how to be a father of a man/son just as he has taught him and me to be a father/mother of a daughter.
God is good and I am tickled blue... Welcome Alexander... Mommy loves you.
Battle Cry:
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Ps 127:3-5 (NAS)
Monday, December 2, 2013
Choices
Sometimes when you look back at the choices you made to get you to where you are now, your mind gets bombarded with questions....You're wondering, did i do the right thing, was I listening to the Lord when this happened, where my decisions well thought out or was I acting out off some far flung emotion.
But then you look around at the tangible things, things that are real, breathing, talking walking in your everyday life. And you realize that what ever choices brought you here don't even really matter. Whatever rational you had at the time does not matter either.
What matters right now at this moment, is taking care of those God has put in your charge. Everything else, the esoteric, the philosophical, the 'what if'... Is a non issue, cause what is real at that moment is the responsibility you have brought into your life. They didn't ask you brought it....
Ahhh sooo yeah, adulthood can trap, can sting, and can be very unfair....But still what matters at the moment in question is your duty to carry on.
Battle Cry:
Psalms 37:23
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
(I pray that these next steps are ordered)...
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Grateful Grateful Grateful----Is flowing from my heart
Today I am 16 weeks and six days.
I have gained about 16 pounds in these four months way more than i wanted not nearly as much as I did with Layna. I have some symptoms that are the same as they were last pregnancy. Namely, my neck hurts like crap.... the tendons in my neck hurt. I have to either take a shower or use a oatmeal wrap i heat in the microwave to relax my neck muscles. While this is painful it is nothing compared to this time last pregnancy with Layna. With Layna my neck locked up. Like I could not turn it completely to the left or right. My range of motion was severely limited to the point I had to take the oatmeal wrap to work with me in order to make it through the day. The doctor says with my history the neck spasms are more severe, but they do happen in pregnancy anyway. Sooo there ya go I guess.
Today. I woke up this morning, at 3:45 and I prayed and prayed for this family, for this marriage, for Alayna for the baby I am carrying. I mean I just gave it all over to God.
I remember saying in the prayer that I speak life into this family, into this marriage into this pregnancy, into Alayna's life, and into our parenting. God, hallelujah, has shown up in my life. He has drawn closer to me, as he promised he would, if I drew closer to him. I even prayed for my ex. I prayed that the Lord would bless him -with abundance and his mate. I know I have grown Jesus. This last year whew Lord. I have meet the Lord. He is my friend, my father, my confidant, my everything. I told my husband, I always have had a sense of self. I should go back and say, no I have always had a sense of God, and that has given me a strong sense of self, of purpose and of discernment. I can make a decision because I can weight the choice against the word of God, and then the choice is easier. Somewhere in that prayer time or getting betting breakfast, I heard Hezekiah Walker's song Grateful, and my heart leaped up and I could sing it- and I understood it because that is where I am in my life. I am grateful to the Lord for his loving kindness, his correction, his conviction. I am Grateful for all that he has entrusted in me. To the point that I don't just want my actions to look correct or be correct, I want the motivation of my heart to be correct, towards all in my life every area. Because God deserves nothing less.
That is why I can pray for my husband, I can pray that Lord arrest his heart and lifts him up and shows him his great assignment. That is why I pray for the wonderful beautiful sweet natured Alayna who has made my life so full and my heart so happy. I pray for Alayna in the present, i speak life over her future. I pray for her mate. I pray that her heart is turned toward the Lord. Hallelujah Jesus. I pray for my child because the greatest gift I can give my children is to introduce them to Love of the Lord which transcends all. That is why I am here. That is what motherhood is to me. This child that is in my womb now I pray the blessing of the Lord over her, over her life, over this pregnancy and delivery. Over her life outside of my body.
The song lyrics, that touch me is the chorus, and it says
Grateful Grateful Grateful Grateful Grateful Gratefulness is flowing from Heart.
That is how i feel gratefulness is flowing from heart, it is impacting my life, my walk as a wife as a mother as a child of God. Hallelujah to the one true God.
Battle Cry for Today: 1 Chronicles 16:9--Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell
of all his wonderful acts.
I have gained about 16 pounds in these four months way more than i wanted not nearly as much as I did with Layna. I have some symptoms that are the same as they were last pregnancy. Namely, my neck hurts like crap.... the tendons in my neck hurt. I have to either take a shower or use a oatmeal wrap i heat in the microwave to relax my neck muscles. While this is painful it is nothing compared to this time last pregnancy with Layna. With Layna my neck locked up. Like I could not turn it completely to the left or right. My range of motion was severely limited to the point I had to take the oatmeal wrap to work with me in order to make it through the day. The doctor says with my history the neck spasms are more severe, but they do happen in pregnancy anyway. Sooo there ya go I guess.
Today. I woke up this morning, at 3:45 and I prayed and prayed for this family, for this marriage, for Alayna for the baby I am carrying. I mean I just gave it all over to God.
I remember saying in the prayer that I speak life into this family, into this marriage into this pregnancy, into Alayna's life, and into our parenting. God, hallelujah, has shown up in my life. He has drawn closer to me, as he promised he would, if I drew closer to him. I even prayed for my ex. I prayed that the Lord would bless him -with abundance and his mate. I know I have grown Jesus. This last year whew Lord. I have meet the Lord. He is my friend, my father, my confidant, my everything. I told my husband, I always have had a sense of self. I should go back and say, no I have always had a sense of God, and that has given me a strong sense of self, of purpose and of discernment. I can make a decision because I can weight the choice against the word of God, and then the choice is easier. Somewhere in that prayer time or getting betting breakfast, I heard Hezekiah Walker's song Grateful, and my heart leaped up and I could sing it- and I understood it because that is where I am in my life. I am grateful to the Lord for his loving kindness, his correction, his conviction. I am Grateful for all that he has entrusted in me. To the point that I don't just want my actions to look correct or be correct, I want the motivation of my heart to be correct, towards all in my life every area. Because God deserves nothing less.
That is why I can pray for my husband, I can pray that Lord arrest his heart and lifts him up and shows him his great assignment. That is why I pray for the wonderful beautiful sweet natured Alayna who has made my life so full and my heart so happy. I pray for Alayna in the present, i speak life over her future. I pray for her mate. I pray that her heart is turned toward the Lord. Hallelujah Jesus. I pray for my child because the greatest gift I can give my children is to introduce them to Love of the Lord which transcends all. That is why I am here. That is what motherhood is to me. This child that is in my womb now I pray the blessing of the Lord over her, over her life, over this pregnancy and delivery. Over her life outside of my body.
The song lyrics, that touch me is the chorus, and it says
Grateful Grateful Grateful Grateful Grateful Gratefulness is flowing from Heart.
That is how i feel gratefulness is flowing from heart, it is impacting my life, my walk as a wife as a mother as a child of God. Hallelujah to the one true God.
Battle Cry for Today: 1 Chronicles 16:9--Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell
of all his wonderful acts.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Prayer Always Praying
I am 15 weeks and about 4 days.
I am 216lbs there abouts.
Food intake better than first pregnancy, can get better though.
Exercise - nil, but not due to a lack of trying to go on my part.
Thyroid- functioning smoothly per blood work
How I actually feel- Exhausted. God I am so tired.
First off let me just say God is continually blessing this pregnancy. The doctors are constantly poking me to make sure that the blood work is normal, that the thyroid is in check, etc etc. So in addition to the obgyn regular appt, I got all these in addition. But as I would go to a million appointments for my child. For my children, my husband, my mother, my family.
Still everyday around 4am, I wake up and pray for the baby. The prayers used to last all of five minutes, but now they have evolved to include my family, my husband, my friends, whatever God lays on my heart, praise and sometimes even meditation. I love this prayer time. I come prepared for the day. I come ready to do battle in the spirit to keep my calm, to keep my eyes focused on the Lord and not the things of this world.
I find myself throughout the day praying, I pray in the car, I pray in the bathroom stall, I pray at lunch. I am reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:7, the bible says here pray without ceasing giving all praise to God. I am doing that constantly. I know now that in order to really truly deal with life, to be inthe prescence of God you need to stay 'prayed up' as we say now. You need to be like Daniel and go to the upper room and pray, give thanks, pray for a covering over your family, rebuke the devils plans. I suppose God is showing me my gift is intercession. I believe so much in prayer that every Sunday at church I wold write on my prayer request, "Lord please bless me to conceive and deliver a healthy happy baby". Every Sunday without fail this was my prayer and the group over the prayer ministry would pray that prayer collectively, all the while I was praying it individually.
I prayed for this child, on the way to work, literally crying tears streaming down my face. Crying out to the Lord for this gift. Wipe my face, straighten up go into work. cry in the bathroom run cold water on my face go to work. Prayer works. God is here, he is close to me. The bible says draw closer to God and he will draw closer to you. I pray to always be in pursuit of the Lord. To always want to do his will on this earth, and to always be in the spirit enough where I can see clearly those things that are and are not of the Lord.
It isn't any one else's conduct that should make me respond in a certain way. It is my fear awe, respect and reverence for the Lord God Almighty and for his Son Jesus Christ that should direct my responses, my conduct and my decision making. God is with every one, believer and non believer even unto the end of the age. That is his promise it is in his word.
When I find myself in difficult situations, I remember Isaiah 58:8 "The Lord will be your rear guard"
Psalms 118:6 The Lord is with me, what can man do to me.
That is why I pray alone in the morning and again with my husband before work. The word says in Leviticus, That one can put 1000 demons to flight but two can put 10000 demons to flight.
2 Samuel 22:3-4" My God, is my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior from violent people you save me. I called to the Lord who is worthy of my praise and have been saved from my enemies.
I leave all of these scriptures, these battle cries with you, to encourage anyone who reads this (if i ever make it public...haha) That the Lord God is with you, He hears you, I know cause he heard and he hears me.
One last battle cry: 1st Peter 5:7 Cast all of your anxiety on Him for he cares for you. He cares for me, he cares he cares he cares.
Praise God for this child growing in my womb. Praise God for growing in my walk with Jesus. My prayer is that whoever reads this will be encouraged, blessed and remembers that the Lord is with you even to the end of the age.
I am 216lbs there abouts.
Food intake better than first pregnancy, can get better though.
Exercise - nil, but not due to a lack of trying to go on my part.
Thyroid- functioning smoothly per blood work
How I actually feel- Exhausted. God I am so tired.
First off let me just say God is continually blessing this pregnancy. The doctors are constantly poking me to make sure that the blood work is normal, that the thyroid is in check, etc etc. So in addition to the obgyn regular appt, I got all these in addition. But as I would go to a million appointments for my child. For my children, my husband, my mother, my family.
Still everyday around 4am, I wake up and pray for the baby. The prayers used to last all of five minutes, but now they have evolved to include my family, my husband, my friends, whatever God lays on my heart, praise and sometimes even meditation. I love this prayer time. I come prepared for the day. I come ready to do battle in the spirit to keep my calm, to keep my eyes focused on the Lord and not the things of this world.
I find myself throughout the day praying, I pray in the car, I pray in the bathroom stall, I pray at lunch. I am reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:7, the bible says here pray without ceasing giving all praise to God. I am doing that constantly. I know now that in order to really truly deal with life, to be inthe prescence of God you need to stay 'prayed up' as we say now. You need to be like Daniel and go to the upper room and pray, give thanks, pray for a covering over your family, rebuke the devils plans. I suppose God is showing me my gift is intercession. I believe so much in prayer that every Sunday at church I wold write on my prayer request, "Lord please bless me to conceive and deliver a healthy happy baby". Every Sunday without fail this was my prayer and the group over the prayer ministry would pray that prayer collectively, all the while I was praying it individually.
I prayed for this child, on the way to work, literally crying tears streaming down my face. Crying out to the Lord for this gift. Wipe my face, straighten up go into work. cry in the bathroom run cold water on my face go to work. Prayer works. God is here, he is close to me. The bible says draw closer to God and he will draw closer to you. I pray to always be in pursuit of the Lord. To always want to do his will on this earth, and to always be in the spirit enough where I can see clearly those things that are and are not of the Lord.
It isn't any one else's conduct that should make me respond in a certain way. It is my fear awe, respect and reverence for the Lord God Almighty and for his Son Jesus Christ that should direct my responses, my conduct and my decision making. God is with every one, believer and non believer even unto the end of the age. That is his promise it is in his word.
When I find myself in difficult situations, I remember Isaiah 58:8 "The Lord will be your rear guard"
Psalms 118:6 The Lord is with me, what can man do to me.
That is why I pray alone in the morning and again with my husband before work. The word says in Leviticus, That one can put 1000 demons to flight but two can put 10000 demons to flight.
2 Samuel 22:3-4" My God, is my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior from violent people you save me. I called to the Lord who is worthy of my praise and have been saved from my enemies.
I leave all of these scriptures, these battle cries with you, to encourage anyone who reads this (if i ever make it public...haha) That the Lord God is with you, He hears you, I know cause he heard and he hears me.
One last battle cry: 1st Peter 5:7 Cast all of your anxiety on Him for he cares for you. He cares for me, he cares he cares he cares.
Praise God for this child growing in my womb. Praise God for growing in my walk with Jesus. My prayer is that whoever reads this will be encouraged, blessed and remembers that the Lord is with you even to the end of the age.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Jesus
Today has been a horrible day. Today I have learned what it means to be in the palm of his hand.
When trouble comes and when you think that you know what is solid. You learn what is not. God is...Here he is. God stands.
The lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
When trouble comes and when you think that you know what is solid. You learn what is not. God is...Here he is. God stands.
The lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Getting My Sexy Back
This is just a short quick post about something I have found to be very true the older you get married or not.
Sometimes you just have to get your sexy back. I remember a time where I didn't wear anything cotton to bed. I spent hours at Sephora and other make up spots trying new eye shadows, and smelling perfumes that I like.
I have not done that in a minute. None of that. The grind, wifedom, motherhood, running the house. Before you know it you in a Army of one t-shirt, some sweats and a pair of running shoes going out the house to actually have/start your day..... First of all I have never been in the army, second of all when did this become appropriate gear to go out in.
Gotta get my sexy back post haste. I don't care if I am pregnant. I am going to be one cute or at least cuter Keda.
There is no reason to stop growing in my woman hood simply because life is exhausting the hell out of me. Like everything else i am going to have to push through.
Sometimes you just have to get your sexy back. I remember a time where I didn't wear anything cotton to bed. I spent hours at Sephora and other make up spots trying new eye shadows, and smelling perfumes that I like.
I have not done that in a minute. None of that. The grind, wifedom, motherhood, running the house. Before you know it you in a Army of one t-shirt, some sweats and a pair of running shoes going out the house to actually have/start your day..... First of all I have never been in the army, second of all when did this become appropriate gear to go out in.
Gotta get my sexy back post haste. I don't care if I am pregnant. I am going to be one cute or at least cuter Keda.
There is no reason to stop growing in my woman hood simply because life is exhausting the hell out of me. Like everything else i am going to have to push through.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Blessed, Halloween, and My thoughts in General
Hey it's been a minute but I am back and thanking God for his many blessings.
12 weeks, and like 5 days. Got a call from the geneticist office.
The baby has no problems of any kind. She is happy and healthy and whole. I thank god for this news. I wake up in the morning and pray for Amayah, or Amaya however i decide to spell it, every day of the week. Four am I am on the couch thanking and praising God for this miracle. It is a miracle to conceive and carry a child.
So that news today was wonderful. I rushed home and got the kids ready for Halloween, I had a Strawberry shortcake and another outfit for our wonderful little foster son. both turned out to be the cutest outfits ever. Like seriously cute.
We went to about 10 houses and took pics before the rain started so we turned around and come on in. I was so thankful that the kids got a chance to go out and experience everyone else outside. For our daughter this was the first Halloween that she was really into and I was thrilled watching her be thrilled.
I am so thankful for this life i am living. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am living my dream out for real.
I am not really worried about anything but maybe my uncle being a hard head and not going to get his pacemaker in. But considering his will is just as strong if not stronger than mine, I guess I will just have to pray for him and keep it moving. I am not sure what else to do in this situation.
This journey has been so long adn there is still a long way to go but I just want to take this moment and THANK GOD.... I WANT TO THANK GOD... FOR HIS BLESSING ARE AWESOME
Battle call for today:
The blessing of the Lord cometh and they bringeth no sorrow
12 weeks, and like 5 days. Got a call from the geneticist office.
The baby has no problems of any kind. She is happy and healthy and whole. I thank god for this news. I wake up in the morning and pray for Amayah, or Amaya however i decide to spell it, every day of the week. Four am I am on the couch thanking and praising God for this miracle. It is a miracle to conceive and carry a child.
So that news today was wonderful. I rushed home and got the kids ready for Halloween, I had a Strawberry shortcake and another outfit for our wonderful little foster son. both turned out to be the cutest outfits ever. Like seriously cute.
We went to about 10 houses and took pics before the rain started so we turned around and come on in. I was so thankful that the kids got a chance to go out and experience everyone else outside. For our daughter this was the first Halloween that she was really into and I was thrilled watching her be thrilled.
I am so thankful for this life i am living. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am living my dream out for real.
I am not really worried about anything but maybe my uncle being a hard head and not going to get his pacemaker in. But considering his will is just as strong if not stronger than mine, I guess I will just have to pray for him and keep it moving. I am not sure what else to do in this situation.
This journey has been so long adn there is still a long way to go but I just want to take this moment and THANK GOD.... I WANT TO THANK GOD... FOR HIS BLESSING ARE AWESOME
Battle call for today:
The blessing of the Lord cometh and they bringeth no sorrow
Friday, November 1, 2013
Thanking God.
Hey it's been a minute but I am back and thanking God for his many blessings.
12 weeks, and like 5 days. Got a call from the geneticist office.
The baby has no problems of any kind. She is happy and healthy and whole. I thank god for this news. I wake up in the morning and pray for Amayah, or Amaya however i decide to spell it, every day of the week. Four am I am on the couch thanking and praising God for this miracle. It is a miracle to conceive and carry a child.
So that news today was wonderful. I rushed home and got the kids ready for Halloween, I had a Strawberry shortcake and another outfit for our wonderful little foster son. both turned out to be the cutest outfits ever. Like seriously cute.
We went to about 10 houses and took pics before the rain started so we turned around and come on in. I was so thankful that the kids got a chance to go out and experience everyone else outside. For our daughter this was the first Halloween that she was really into and I was thrilled watching her be thrilled.
I am so thankful for this life i am living. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am living my dream out for real.
I am not really worried about anything but maybe my uncle being a hard head and not going to get his pacemaker in. But considering his will is just as strong if not stronger than mine, I guess I will just have to pray for him and keep it moving. I am not sure what else to do in this situation.
This journey has been so long adn there is still a long way to go but I just want to take this moment and THANK GOD.... I WANT TO THANK GOD... FOR HIS BLESSING ARE AWESOME
Battle call for today:
The blessing of the Lord cometh and they bringeth no sorrow
12 weeks, and like 5 days. Got a call from the geneticist office.
The baby has no problems of any kind. She is happy and healthy and whole. I thank god for this news. I wake up in the morning and pray for Amayah, or Amaya however i decide to spell it, every day of the week. Four am I am on the couch thanking and praising God for this miracle. It is a miracle to conceive and carry a child.
So that news today was wonderful. I rushed home and got the kids ready for Halloween, I had a Strawberry shortcake and another outfit for our wonderful little foster son. both turned out to be the cutest outfits ever. Like seriously cute.
We went to about 10 houses and took pics before the rain started so we turned around and come on in. I was so thankful that the kids got a chance to go out and experience everyone else outside. For our daughter this was the first Halloween that she was really into and I was thrilled watching her be thrilled.
I am so thankful for this life i am living. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am living my dream out for real.
I am not really worried about anything but maybe my uncle being a hard head and not going to get his pacemaker in. But considering his will is just as strong if not stronger than mine, I guess I will just have to pray for him and keep it moving. I am not sure what else to do in this situation.
This journey has been so long adn there is still a long way to go but I just want to take this moment and THANK GOD.... I WANT TO THANK GOD... FOR HIS BLESSING ARE AWESOME
Battle call for today:
The blessing of the Lord cometh and they bringeth no sorrow
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Expectations
Hey in the city of my birth this morning.
Early as normal.
11.5 weeks pregnant. Praying constantly for our lil one.
So I want to write about expectations. Specifically, our expectations of other people. My mama gave me a piece of advise - and it is something that has stayed with me continuously. My mama said, "Kiki you expect to much of people"....
I have learned to lower my expectations. At the end of the day you have to be able to evaluate the people in your life and say ok. God has you hear for a reason or a season. Maybe your season has come to a close. Or maybe I need to realize just as I am complex and have my faults so do you.
In that understanding, I need to be prayerful and deliberate in looking at you as a whole and if the sum total of you is mostly good as I see it then it is up to me and my level of maturity to understand that that is enough.
It comes from understanding that no one person, mama, family, or spouse is going to bring you happiness. Happiness originates in and sustains by the Lord of Lords, and when you realize that you can accept that although your relationships are not perfect and although you as a person is not perfect its ok. I guess to say I have lowered my expectations of people is bad to say, it may be more correct to say I have realized no one person is everything and they were not intended to be.
Early as normal.
11.5 weeks pregnant. Praying constantly for our lil one.
So I want to write about expectations. Specifically, our expectations of other people. My mama gave me a piece of advise - and it is something that has stayed with me continuously. My mama said, "Kiki you expect to much of people"....
I have learned to lower my expectations. At the end of the day you have to be able to evaluate the people in your life and say ok. God has you hear for a reason or a season. Maybe your season has come to a close. Or maybe I need to realize just as I am complex and have my faults so do you.
In that understanding, I need to be prayerful and deliberate in looking at you as a whole and if the sum total of you is mostly good as I see it then it is up to me and my level of maturity to understand that that is enough.
It comes from understanding that no one person, mama, family, or spouse is going to bring you happiness. Happiness originates in and sustains by the Lord of Lords, and when you realize that you can accept that although your relationships are not perfect and although you as a person is not perfect its ok. I guess to say I have lowered my expectations of people is bad to say, it may be more correct to say I have realized no one person is everything and they were not intended to be.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Heatbeat and Fatigue
Hello All-
It has been a while. Let me say that is because I have been soooo unbelievably exhausted. And i don't mean like my regular kind. I mean first trimester coupled with hypothyroidism tired. I get up in the morning with this pregnancy and i feel great. Drastic difference from my lil Layna, with Layna i would get up and feel unbelievably sick. It would be a struggle to go to work but around 9am I would feel a lot better. This pregnancy I get up feeling good, but as the day goes on I am beyond tired.
I eat breakfast here between 6:00 and 6:30, then around 9 get some fruit from the cafeteria at work.
Then i eat another snack around 10 am and then on to lunch. All the while keeping myself hydrated, having taken the Armour. But invariably around 1:30 or 2, I am dragging and not a normal dragging. Dragging like I need to go to bed right then and there. Not a nap, but go to bed for the day. I get up several times during this span from 1:30 - 5:00 and go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face and jump in the stall or whatever trying to wake up. I don't know what happens, but my body literally slows all the way down. I kinda wish it was the other way around like with Layna cause at least then I didn't have brain fog during work hours. Oh yeah baby, not only am I physically tired, I feel like I slow down mentally as well. I don't know if other preggars out there feel the same or if it is the hypothyroidism combined with the preggars. But whatever the real culprit or combo is I am exhausted. Henry says it was the same with Layna but it just didn't strike during the day.
On a positive note I went to the doctor and saw the heartbeat for the first time, saw her whole little body just floating away. Heartbeat was 170 which is on the faster side, but Layna's first heartbeat reading was high 160's. Both fall into the range of strong and normal. I praise God. Like when i say I praise God. I praise God no one but him could have brought me this far. No one but God is responsible for healing my body to the point i was able to conceive on my own. He says faith without works is dead. I put in the work, and he blessed me with this child. The bible says children are a "heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalms 127:3
A word about life- we are fostering one of the dearest little boys. He is our first foster care child and he is precious. We love him, he is only short term as it turns out, as he will get to hopefully go home with his maternal grandmother before long.
Truth right. I have to bring truth to this blog. The truth is that fostering is an act of love, but you don't fall in love with the child right away. I wasn't necessarily prepared for that. You care for them and at their first smile and coo which can and for us did take some time to come. You grow attached to them. I was very surprised by this because I was so ready to give more love which I have. But I am not in love with him, like I am in love with Layna and this child that is growing inside of me. I cuddle him and kiss on him and pray for him and take care of him and am growing attached to him. But it is more of the mama in me that took over first not this instantaneous love I thought would.
Poor baby, he miss his mama too. He is only one but he literally cried for his mama for 48 hour straights. Like "maaaamaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaa" like he was calling her to come and get him calling her. He woke on up full day one, morning wide eyed and scared which is normal. He immediately then cried for his mama- a long mournful wail for mama. Me and Henry make a point of not holding babies all day so they don't cry all night and all day long, but we busted that rule for him. The only time he would calm down is when we were not only holding him but cuddling him close. It doesn't take a genius to realize he needed some physical comfort for quite a bit of time to make him calm down. It is going on a month now and he is just now getting to the point where he feels comfy enough here to crawl on the floor and play with the toys without being in our arms. We have got him walking more and smiling more and bought clothes for him and we figured out he gets bad gas and has a problem pooping. Which causes for lots of fiber, lots of oatmeal. He came with a cold it has not gone away, so i have decided to start giving him some hot tea and stuff to help with the congestion, the foster worker was so sweet and is working on getting me his medicare number so I can take him to the doctor. It is all a process and you have to be patient. Your baby, cause he is mine as long as he is in my house he is mine, doesn't go to the front of the case load, it doesn't work like that. You leave a message for the worker just like everyone else does.
On a positive note, I bought him a Halloween costume because I bought Layna one and as my mama always taught me you do not make any difference between children. Anyway bought him a costume and he smiled at it. I hope he has a good time. I am going to take pictures of him in it so that when he goes home to his grandma at least she can see he was treated good and was happy during his time away from their overall family unit. I think that is all i have to say about fostering.
Being a mama is a great responsibility and children do not need to be in foster care if at all possible. Not because people won't take care of them. But from what I have learned from this dear one, if they have been with their mama's and family for any length of time they miss those people tremendously. Tremendously. It breaks my heart. Cause all foster homes are not gonna be good homes. I knew people growing up on my block who fostered and it was like a puppy mill (home enterprise) for this one older lady. I don't think down here people are as deep as all that like they were in a major city but still dude try if at all possible to keep your children out of the system.
I am so happy and fulfilled God is sooo good. I pray that when I release this blog people will be encouraged and know that Through God all is possible.
Battle Cry for Today
Mathew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
It has been a while. Let me say that is because I have been soooo unbelievably exhausted. And i don't mean like my regular kind. I mean first trimester coupled with hypothyroidism tired. I get up in the morning with this pregnancy and i feel great. Drastic difference from my lil Layna, with Layna i would get up and feel unbelievably sick. It would be a struggle to go to work but around 9am I would feel a lot better. This pregnancy I get up feeling good, but as the day goes on I am beyond tired.
I eat breakfast here between 6:00 and 6:30, then around 9 get some fruit from the cafeteria at work.
Then i eat another snack around 10 am and then on to lunch. All the while keeping myself hydrated, having taken the Armour. But invariably around 1:30 or 2, I am dragging and not a normal dragging. Dragging like I need to go to bed right then and there. Not a nap, but go to bed for the day. I get up several times during this span from 1:30 - 5:00 and go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face and jump in the stall or whatever trying to wake up. I don't know what happens, but my body literally slows all the way down. I kinda wish it was the other way around like with Layna cause at least then I didn't have brain fog during work hours. Oh yeah baby, not only am I physically tired, I feel like I slow down mentally as well. I don't know if other preggars out there feel the same or if it is the hypothyroidism combined with the preggars. But whatever the real culprit or combo is I am exhausted. Henry says it was the same with Layna but it just didn't strike during the day.
On a positive note I went to the doctor and saw the heartbeat for the first time, saw her whole little body just floating away. Heartbeat was 170 which is on the faster side, but Layna's first heartbeat reading was high 160's. Both fall into the range of strong and normal. I praise God. Like when i say I praise God. I praise God no one but him could have brought me this far. No one but God is responsible for healing my body to the point i was able to conceive on my own. He says faith without works is dead. I put in the work, and he blessed me with this child. The bible says children are a "heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalms 127:3
A word about life- we are fostering one of the dearest little boys. He is our first foster care child and he is precious. We love him, he is only short term as it turns out, as he will get to hopefully go home with his maternal grandmother before long.
Truth right. I have to bring truth to this blog. The truth is that fostering is an act of love, but you don't fall in love with the child right away. I wasn't necessarily prepared for that. You care for them and at their first smile and coo which can and for us did take some time to come. You grow attached to them. I was very surprised by this because I was so ready to give more love which I have. But I am not in love with him, like I am in love with Layna and this child that is growing inside of me. I cuddle him and kiss on him and pray for him and take care of him and am growing attached to him. But it is more of the mama in me that took over first not this instantaneous love I thought would.
Poor baby, he miss his mama too. He is only one but he literally cried for his mama for 48 hour straights. Like "maaaamaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaa" like he was calling her to come and get him calling her. He woke on up full day one, morning wide eyed and scared which is normal. He immediately then cried for his mama- a long mournful wail for mama. Me and Henry make a point of not holding babies all day so they don't cry all night and all day long, but we busted that rule for him. The only time he would calm down is when we were not only holding him but cuddling him close. It doesn't take a genius to realize he needed some physical comfort for quite a bit of time to make him calm down. It is going on a month now and he is just now getting to the point where he feels comfy enough here to crawl on the floor and play with the toys without being in our arms. We have got him walking more and smiling more and bought clothes for him and we figured out he gets bad gas and has a problem pooping. Which causes for lots of fiber, lots of oatmeal. He came with a cold it has not gone away, so i have decided to start giving him some hot tea and stuff to help with the congestion, the foster worker was so sweet and is working on getting me his medicare number so I can take him to the doctor. It is all a process and you have to be patient. Your baby, cause he is mine as long as he is in my house he is mine, doesn't go to the front of the case load, it doesn't work like that. You leave a message for the worker just like everyone else does.
On a positive note, I bought him a Halloween costume because I bought Layna one and as my mama always taught me you do not make any difference between children. Anyway bought him a costume and he smiled at it. I hope he has a good time. I am going to take pictures of him in it so that when he goes home to his grandma at least she can see he was treated good and was happy during his time away from their overall family unit. I think that is all i have to say about fostering.
Being a mama is a great responsibility and children do not need to be in foster care if at all possible. Not because people won't take care of them. But from what I have learned from this dear one, if they have been with their mama's and family for any length of time they miss those people tremendously. Tremendously. It breaks my heart. Cause all foster homes are not gonna be good homes. I knew people growing up on my block who fostered and it was like a puppy mill (home enterprise) for this one older lady. I don't think down here people are as deep as all that like they were in a major city but still dude try if at all possible to keep your children out of the system.
I am so happy and fulfilled God is sooo good. I pray that when I release this blog people will be encouraged and know that Through God all is possible.
Battle Cry for Today
Mathew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Little Women and Anxiousness
So i am huge already. No not really, but I am 200 lbs. Which is not bad.
Blood pressure normal.
Today I had sausage and eggs with one piece of whole wheat toast.
lunch i had a cup of french onion soup, and a chicken ceasar salad from Jason's Deli. I had them check to make sure that the ceasar dressing came bottled and not made there because of the whole no raw eggs thing.
I am up watching LIttle Women on TV. I love the part where the DR says there is nothing he can do for Beth, oh but when the mama come Home. When the mama come home she is not going to let the sun set on her child without at least trying. At least fighting. I just like that scene as a mama. I like that scene from a biblical standpoint as well. When the doctors think they have given the last word. The Lord shows up and says, hold on.... I am not done here. When they said I was infertile, needed treatment, the Lord literally sustained me. Literally said hold on that is not the last word. He gave me strength to press on. He gave me strength to withstand the fear and the pressure and he gave me the words to just go to him in prayer and ask him to bless me to try naturally just one more time. God is good. I praise him continually. If you read this paragraph you will realize God was there in the valley, he was there in the pit, and he was and is still here on the other side bringing me to the fruition of his promises.
I am stressed because I forgot about the Deli meats, and ate at McAlister's Deli, so now I am just like Lord no Lysteria. I am going to the doctor for the first appointment on October 8th. i am just thanking God for hearing the baby's heartbeat and for the Lysteria test coming back negative.
Pregnancy does make me anxious, not like lets take a Xanax anxious, but like aware of everything anxious. Am I eating right, did i have deli meat when i wasn't supposed to... Stuff like that.
Sigh. I think to the lack of control also makes me anxious. The understanding that there is only so much I can do to protect and nurtur this child, but ultimately God is in control of getting her here and for a happy successful delivery. So yeah being pregnant is an walk in faith for me.
I wake up at 4am every morning to pray for my child, and then I end up praying for Layna and Henry and I marriage and our family in general and everything under the sun. I pray for Brina and her pregnancy. Just everything. My point is I guess is that God brought me to this point of conceiving and I am believing he will bring forth my live happy healthy baby at the appointed time. I thank God for this child
Blood pressure normal.
Today I had sausage and eggs with one piece of whole wheat toast.
lunch i had a cup of french onion soup, and a chicken ceasar salad from Jason's Deli. I had them check to make sure that the ceasar dressing came bottled and not made there because of the whole no raw eggs thing.
I am up watching LIttle Women on TV. I love the part where the DR says there is nothing he can do for Beth, oh but when the mama come Home. When the mama come home she is not going to let the sun set on her child without at least trying. At least fighting. I just like that scene as a mama. I like that scene from a biblical standpoint as well. When the doctors think they have given the last word. The Lord shows up and says, hold on.... I am not done here. When they said I was infertile, needed treatment, the Lord literally sustained me. Literally said hold on that is not the last word. He gave me strength to press on. He gave me strength to withstand the fear and the pressure and he gave me the words to just go to him in prayer and ask him to bless me to try naturally just one more time. God is good. I praise him continually. If you read this paragraph you will realize God was there in the valley, he was there in the pit, and he was and is still here on the other side bringing me to the fruition of his promises.
I am stressed because I forgot about the Deli meats, and ate at McAlister's Deli, so now I am just like Lord no Lysteria. I am going to the doctor for the first appointment on October 8th. i am just thanking God for hearing the baby's heartbeat and for the Lysteria test coming back negative.
Pregnancy does make me anxious, not like lets take a Xanax anxious, but like aware of everything anxious. Am I eating right, did i have deli meat when i wasn't supposed to... Stuff like that.
Sigh. I think to the lack of control also makes me anxious. The understanding that there is only so much I can do to protect and nurtur this child, but ultimately God is in control of getting her here and for a happy successful delivery. So yeah being pregnant is an walk in faith for me.
I wake up at 4am every morning to pray for my child, and then I end up praying for Layna and Henry and I marriage and our family in general and everything under the sun. I pray for Brina and her pregnancy. Just everything. My point is I guess is that God brought me to this point of conceiving and I am believing he will bring forth my live happy healthy baby at the appointed time. I thank God for this child
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Tired, Prayer and Week 8
Vitals
200lbs
110/77 bp
General Mood: feeling tired, due to busy schedule.
Ok so food has not been going good this past week. I have been eating out. Mostly because we have been soooo extraordinarily busy. I mean extremely busy. But I have been trying to eat in moderation when eating out.
Meaning for lunch I will have soup and salad, or soup and a half sandwich.
Snack is normally an apple with almond butter, second snack towards the end of the work day is peanut butter crackers, and I drink a ton and I do mean a ton of water.
There are some things that are the same this pregnancy, I am remember around week 7 I started to get hungry and have some nausea. This pregnancy is the same. I need a snack at least every 2.5 hours or I start to feel nauseated. I have to make sure my meals are not to big because if I eat to much I feel like sick.
Other than that this pregnancy has been so much smoother thus far than my Layna Bug. I threw up with her all day every day from 6.5 weeks to week 13. I was also a lil more tired with her. This lil one I am tired, and do have days of exhaustion but it isn't to the extent i remember with her. But that may be because your first pregnancy is so new and every memory of it seems exaggerated. One thing I do now that I did then is pray. I pray over this child all day every day. And I have a very special prayer time in the morning.
During my morning prayer. I pray for this family, I pray for this baby, I pray that the Lord's peace, love, grace and mercy dwell in this family from now to the tenth generation. My prayers encompass my life, so I pray for work, to be a better wife and mama, to really hear the Lord speak to me through the holy spirit and walk by faith and not by sight. It is the best time of the morning. I feel like praying in the morning helps me, helps this family and keeps me in lock step with the Lord.
I marvel at the fact that I conceived. Conceived without medical intervention, conceived a healthy happy baby..When every doctor i went to outside of Dr. Miller was like um lets give you these unbelievably strong hormones etc etc. I just thank God. He heard my cry and answered my prayers. Now i am not saying that medicine does not have its place because had i not conceived we were planning on going to the fertility center at the beginning of the year but Hubby was not really for that and i was scared, but more scared of not trying. I just thank God that when I prayed to try one more time without any doctors He heard me and delivered me.
Just a side note, last night Hubbin and I were chillin and watching late night videos ran across a couple of rap and rock video's. I was like oh my God are our kids watching these folks, pass of this muck as music. One rapper in his video actually had a quick scene where he turned into the devil, makeup, horns and all. Another video the singer her visuals were so out there and they felt just wrong. I firmly believe that we need to monitor diligently what our children watch and listen to. I believe in art for art sake, but only to the extent that it doesn't border on devilish unbelievably offensive type of behavior and images. I think I am just changing as a person. That is all for now LOL cause i am sleepy.
Battle Cry:
All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace.
200lbs
110/77 bp
General Mood: feeling tired, due to busy schedule.
Ok so food has not been going good this past week. I have been eating out. Mostly because we have been soooo extraordinarily busy. I mean extremely busy. But I have been trying to eat in moderation when eating out.
Meaning for lunch I will have soup and salad, or soup and a half sandwich.
Snack is normally an apple with almond butter, second snack towards the end of the work day is peanut butter crackers, and I drink a ton and I do mean a ton of water.
There are some things that are the same this pregnancy, I am remember around week 7 I started to get hungry and have some nausea. This pregnancy is the same. I need a snack at least every 2.5 hours or I start to feel nauseated. I have to make sure my meals are not to big because if I eat to much I feel like sick.
Other than that this pregnancy has been so much smoother thus far than my Layna Bug. I threw up with her all day every day from 6.5 weeks to week 13. I was also a lil more tired with her. This lil one I am tired, and do have days of exhaustion but it isn't to the extent i remember with her. But that may be because your first pregnancy is so new and every memory of it seems exaggerated. One thing I do now that I did then is pray. I pray over this child all day every day. And I have a very special prayer time in the morning.
During my morning prayer. I pray for this family, I pray for this baby, I pray that the Lord's peace, love, grace and mercy dwell in this family from now to the tenth generation. My prayers encompass my life, so I pray for work, to be a better wife and mama, to really hear the Lord speak to me through the holy spirit and walk by faith and not by sight. It is the best time of the morning. I feel like praying in the morning helps me, helps this family and keeps me in lock step with the Lord.
I marvel at the fact that I conceived. Conceived without medical intervention, conceived a healthy happy baby..When every doctor i went to outside of Dr. Miller was like um lets give you these unbelievably strong hormones etc etc. I just thank God. He heard my cry and answered my prayers. Now i am not saying that medicine does not have its place because had i not conceived we were planning on going to the fertility center at the beginning of the year but Hubby was not really for that and i was scared, but more scared of not trying. I just thank God that when I prayed to try one more time without any doctors He heard me and delivered me.
Just a side note, last night Hubbin and I were chillin and watching late night videos ran across a couple of rap and rock video's. I was like oh my God are our kids watching these folks, pass of this muck as music. One rapper in his video actually had a quick scene where he turned into the devil, makeup, horns and all. Another video the singer her visuals were so out there and they felt just wrong. I firmly believe that we need to monitor diligently what our children watch and listen to. I believe in art for art sake, but only to the extent that it doesn't border on devilish unbelievably offensive type of behavior and images. I think I am just changing as a person. That is all for now LOL cause i am sleepy.
Battle Cry:
All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Prayer 4 am
This post is about prayer...
Every morning, almost every, I wake up at 4 am and pray for my child. I pray for her health and strength. I pray for my health and strength. I pray against Satan and any anxiety or fear that all these hormonal changes may cause and most of all, I pray the blood of Jesus over this child from conception through pregnancy to delivery and beyond.
Jesus is a way maker, a deliverer, and a father. I continually try and cast all of my cares upon the Lord because I know he cares for me. Being a mother, to a child in your belly means you pray all day, at least I do. I pray because as I have said to Hubbin from the very first moment you know you are pregnant you feel a deep responsibility to your child. Your whole person is uniquely attuned to the fact that there is a child you have to care for in your womb and that it is not just staying healthy and feeding the child. No caring for Amayah for me is praying for her, rubbing my belly telling her I love her...believing God for her. It is acts of love on a consistent basis because who I am is tied up so intrinsically into this family, into being a wife, into being Alayna and Amayah's and eventually Elijah's mama that I pray for them all day long.
The Lord heard my cries, there were many, and delivered me and He will see this pregnancy through to completion. I believe God for this healthy happy baby.
I feel as though my gift is prayer. Intercessory prayer to be specific. As most Christians know prayer changes things, Satan wants to keep you disconnected from God, and indulging in sin and all manner of busyness so that you forget. Forget that the Father cares for you, and you can come to him in prayer. You can bend your head in the car and pray for your family member, for your marriage for your unborn child. You can pray to the Holy Spirit. God hears all of your cries...Eventually when i publish some of this blog, I hope this entry will find the person who needed to hear this small message in a message. Praise God.
I am eating ok. This weekend was not the best but we were coming off of the exam weekend last weekend and i was tired. I am going grocery shopping today- so I can get us back into consistent home made meals, that are not loaded with bad stuff.
Exercise, I did find a set of four dvd's that are specifically made for pregnancy so that I can exercise Hubbin is going to go and get them from the library. that was important to me because I have only been able to walk on the weekends, because by the time I get home it is dark. But i will not let go of my workout regimine. My blood pressure is excellent 111/75...
I want to keep it that way and I will.
Praise God today.
Battle Cry"
Be yeah anxious for nothing but in all things through prayer and supplication make your request known to God and the peace of God which trandscends all understanding will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.
Second scripture Ephesians 6:14-18
Every morning, almost every, I wake up at 4 am and pray for my child. I pray for her health and strength. I pray for my health and strength. I pray against Satan and any anxiety or fear that all these hormonal changes may cause and most of all, I pray the blood of Jesus over this child from conception through pregnancy to delivery and beyond.
Jesus is a way maker, a deliverer, and a father. I continually try and cast all of my cares upon the Lord because I know he cares for me. Being a mother, to a child in your belly means you pray all day, at least I do. I pray because as I have said to Hubbin from the very first moment you know you are pregnant you feel a deep responsibility to your child. Your whole person is uniquely attuned to the fact that there is a child you have to care for in your womb and that it is not just staying healthy and feeding the child. No caring for Amayah for me is praying for her, rubbing my belly telling her I love her...believing God for her. It is acts of love on a consistent basis because who I am is tied up so intrinsically into this family, into being a wife, into being Alayna and Amayah's and eventually Elijah's mama that I pray for them all day long.
The Lord heard my cries, there were many, and delivered me and He will see this pregnancy through to completion. I believe God for this healthy happy baby.
I feel as though my gift is prayer. Intercessory prayer to be specific. As most Christians know prayer changes things, Satan wants to keep you disconnected from God, and indulging in sin and all manner of busyness so that you forget. Forget that the Father cares for you, and you can come to him in prayer. You can bend your head in the car and pray for your family member, for your marriage for your unborn child. You can pray to the Holy Spirit. God hears all of your cries...Eventually when i publish some of this blog, I hope this entry will find the person who needed to hear this small message in a message. Praise God.
I am eating ok. This weekend was not the best but we were coming off of the exam weekend last weekend and i was tired. I am going grocery shopping today- so I can get us back into consistent home made meals, that are not loaded with bad stuff.
Exercise, I did find a set of four dvd's that are specifically made for pregnancy so that I can exercise Hubbin is going to go and get them from the library. that was important to me because I have only been able to walk on the weekends, because by the time I get home it is dark. But i will not let go of my workout regimine. My blood pressure is excellent 111/75...
I want to keep it that way and I will.
Praise God today.
Battle Cry"
Be yeah anxious for nothing but in all things through prayer and supplication make your request known to God and the peace of God which trandscends all understanding will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.
Second scripture Ephesians 6:14-18
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Carbs
Ok so i have added carbs back into my diet because I am pregnant. However I now realize even in pregnancy I am going to have to limit the carbohydrates to fruit and veggies and some rice some time.
Today so far I have gained about three pounds, that isn't a lot but I don't want it to increase. My food consumption has not been the best but not bad either.
-This morning I had shredded wheat with grapes for breakfast
-Snack was a yogurt parfait with fruity (problem with this yogurt was sweet, had to many carbs, carbs in fruit and granola.
-Lunch was a piece of leftover steak, brocolli and (mistake fried okra)
-Dinner was a salad and pulled pork (no bread).... by no stretch of the imagination is this a horrible diet, however, yesterday I indulged and had two small doughnuts for breakfast, that is too many carbs back to back with today...
So tomorrow for breakfast and lunch I am going back to my protein packed breakfast and lunch, snack will be a carb, then second snack will be nuts mixture.
Water water water is typically my drink choice. I walked a mile yesterday, instead of my two because it was getting dark. Now I am realizing I will need to walk on the treadmill at home two days a week, if i don't get home early enough to walk outside and of course my weekend walk will be outside.
Today so far I have gained about three pounds, that isn't a lot but I don't want it to increase. My food consumption has not been the best but not bad either.
-This morning I had shredded wheat with grapes for breakfast
-Snack was a yogurt parfait with fruity (problem with this yogurt was sweet, had to many carbs, carbs in fruit and granola.
-Lunch was a piece of leftover steak, brocolli and (mistake fried okra)
-Dinner was a salad and pulled pork (no bread).... by no stretch of the imagination is this a horrible diet, however, yesterday I indulged and had two small doughnuts for breakfast, that is too many carbs back to back with today...
So tomorrow for breakfast and lunch I am going back to my protein packed breakfast and lunch, snack will be a carb, then second snack will be nuts mixture.
Water water water is typically my drink choice. I walked a mile yesterday, instead of my two because it was getting dark. Now I am realizing I will need to walk on the treadmill at home two days a week, if i don't get home early enough to walk outside and of course my weekend walk will be outside.
Choices
"The heart of a woman holds many secrets"
Truer words I have never heard. Today I got to thinking about choices. Choices I have made knowingly and the ones that were inadvertently made by choices I didn't make.
In this time of rampant opportunity in my company. I am choosing to be a wife and a mama... Which means that I can not pick up my family and go cross country or even a couple or one state over to pursue my career. Whenever you have a family, some choices you had before diminish and the trick is to not mourn the loss of those choices, because a couple of things in life are true.
1. Most opportunities in life have a way of coming around again- most often at far more appropriate times.
2. God is correct he knows what you need to be doing in the Now of your circumstances.
I have decided not to mourn my decisions, I have decided to be thankful for this family and not sad that the type of woman and mama that i want to be has made decisions that are contrary to the young lady i once was. I go to God at these times.... and he gives me peace.
Truer words I have never heard. Today I got to thinking about choices. Choices I have made knowingly and the ones that were inadvertently made by choices I didn't make.
In this time of rampant opportunity in my company. I am choosing to be a wife and a mama... Which means that I can not pick up my family and go cross country or even a couple or one state over to pursue my career. Whenever you have a family, some choices you had before diminish and the trick is to not mourn the loss of those choices, because a couple of things in life are true.
1. Most opportunities in life have a way of coming around again- most often at far more appropriate times.
2. God is correct he knows what you need to be doing in the Now of your circumstances.
I have decided not to mourn my decisions, I have decided to be thankful for this family and not sad that the type of woman and mama that i want to be has made decisions that are contrary to the young lady i once was. I go to God at these times.... and he gives me peace.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Huuuuunnnnngggrrrryyyy
Today i swear my hunger went in to over drive.
Here are the stats,
Half a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast with some sausage
then a boiled egg at work and a piece of bacon (i got up at 5,this second meal happened closer to 9)
snack mid day, nuts
lunch, home made black bean soup and a salad
snack again around 3...nutrigrain bar
snack again around 5 peanut butter crackers
random at mama house a salad
finally dinner steamed broccoli, cabbage and corned beef.
I never eat this much in a day.... But today i was hungrier than hungry... Felt a little nauseous on the way to get the hubbin, and had a unexpected hot flash early afternoon....having another one now.
I am exhausted, I am believing and praying for Amaya's health and happiness and for a successful pregnancy and successful wonderful delivery.
Here are the stats,
Half a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast with some sausage
then a boiled egg at work and a piece of bacon (i got up at 5,this second meal happened closer to 9)
snack mid day, nuts
lunch, home made black bean soup and a salad
snack again around 3...nutrigrain bar
snack again around 5 peanut butter crackers
random at mama house a salad
finally dinner steamed broccoli, cabbage and corned beef.
I never eat this much in a day.... But today i was hungrier than hungry... Felt a little nauseous on the way to get the hubbin, and had a unexpected hot flash early afternoon....having another one now.
I am exhausted, I am believing and praying for Amaya's health and happiness and for a successful pregnancy and successful wonderful delivery.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Alayna--The Wonderful
My daughter Alayna is the joy of my life. I didn't know two year olds were so hilarious. Tiresome, but hilarious.
today she did two things that made me smile. She is by nature curious, so potty training to say the least has been an adventure. Apparently at school, she sits on the toilet, starts to pee and then stands up on the lil stool they give them to watch it go down. Uhhh baby girl wrong move, pee all over the floor, poor teachers. When i got the text message from the hubbin about the incident i was at first upset, but then before I knew it I was laughing hysterically. My Layna girl always trying to see 'the how'.
Secondly, on the way home. I am tired, cross, ready to eat and my Layna tells me moooommmmmmyyyyyyyy, and i say 'yes Layna'....mommy, mommy can I have a necklace like yours. Now this is funny because this morning, I put on a necklace. Layna said mooooommmmy I want a necklace I said ok baby I will get you one, now lets roll so we can get to school. Layna runs to the car talking about 'Lets ROLL Daddy'....now 12 hours had past there bouts but she has thought about this necklace enough to ask me about it 12 hours later out of the clear blue sky.
You know what this means right? You got it, mama gonna go get her lil a necklace...
I love this kid, she brings such light and joy and wonderment to our lives. Her spirit is sweet and adventurous. She is not a follower but she is somehow, amazingly, wonderfully empathetic, and kind. I pray that God continuously has favor and grace and mercy follow her all her days.
Although you give up a lot my life is 10*10000 times better with Henry and Alayna in it and now little Amaya....Praise God today....
One day someone may see this blog, and I hope they take encouragement from my battle cries. God is the answer, he is the author and finisher of our faith, he is the provider, and nothing is impossible with Christ Jesus at the helm.
Psalm 113:9
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!
Psalm 84:11
For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
today she did two things that made me smile. She is by nature curious, so potty training to say the least has been an adventure. Apparently at school, she sits on the toilet, starts to pee and then stands up on the lil stool they give them to watch it go down. Uhhh baby girl wrong move, pee all over the floor, poor teachers. When i got the text message from the hubbin about the incident i was at first upset, but then before I knew it I was laughing hysterically. My Layna girl always trying to see 'the how'.
Secondly, on the way home. I am tired, cross, ready to eat and my Layna tells me moooommmmmmyyyyyyyy, and i say 'yes Layna'....mommy, mommy can I have a necklace like yours. Now this is funny because this morning, I put on a necklace. Layna said mooooommmmy I want a necklace I said ok baby I will get you one, now lets roll so we can get to school. Layna runs to the car talking about 'Lets ROLL Daddy'....now 12 hours had past there bouts but she has thought about this necklace enough to ask me about it 12 hours later out of the clear blue sky.
You know what this means right? You got it, mama gonna go get her lil a necklace...
I love this kid, she brings such light and joy and wonderment to our lives. Her spirit is sweet and adventurous. She is not a follower but she is somehow, amazingly, wonderfully empathetic, and kind. I pray that God continuously has favor and grace and mercy follow her all her days.
Although you give up a lot my life is 10*10000 times better with Henry and Alayna in it and now little Amaya....Praise God today....
One day someone may see this blog, and I hope they take encouragement from my battle cries. God is the answer, he is the author and finisher of our faith, he is the provider, and nothing is impossible with Christ Jesus at the helm.
Psalm 113:9
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!
Psalm 84:11
For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
Life, food, and a Monday
Okay Okay Okay, so i said i promise to keep a tabs here on what i eat during the day.
This pregnancy, I have vowed to watch my weight and to only gain 25/30lbs. Last time i gained 57, well maybe more but i stopped counting at 57 that was right around 36 weeks.
Anyway, went to the dr, nutritionist, she advised i stay on a yeast free diet. I concurred with a little big of wiggle room. One i will still have some rice very seldom. I will drink dairy, and i will get to have one sweet potato a week... But I agreed with her and will not indulge in pasta, bread, white potato's, chips, crackers, candy, sweet things in general....
So that brings me to today.
Breakfast was eggs and bacon
snack was cashews/dried cranberry
lunch was small piece of steak, steamed broccolli with butter and a small salad
dinner was black bean soup
snack again was walnuts and a kosher pickle
That my friend besides water sums up my food intake for the day.
Some days I will splurge, I am sure... but at least I can start off trying to maintain a healthy weight.
I am about 4 weeks along I believe at least that is what the due date calculator has said. First Dr appt in Oct.
I believe God for a healthy happy baby, I pray for her all day, talk to her, talk to God about her. I know it will be a 'she/her'....I feel it.
Battle Cry for the day: Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Friday, September 6, 2013
I'm Pregnant
Thank you Thank You Thank You Jesus.
I had to recount this day on this blog... OMG.... so here goes, the hubbin and I were actively trying in August, and I was like, praying praying praying to the Lord to conceive. Well today I was like okay my P has not come yet, temps are up, peeing like a bandit, but my legs are aching this is a sign of P right.
Still something told me to go ahead and get a pregnancy test. I took the hubbin to work stopped by CVS on the way to work. Got to work almost ran to the bathroom, took the test, thinking ahh whatever lets just get this out the way. If you are not preggars, wont let it ruin the week.
I looked down at the dang gone test and saw that plus sign. I jumped clear off that toilet saying thank you Jesus.
All day long i was thanking Jesus, saying praising God for his wonderful blessing. I have cried writing this blog, I have prayed, i have screamed, I have prayed and screamed while crying. But the Lord heard my plea, and from the moment I found out I am expecting another miracle, I have been praying for her, for her health, for a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy.
From point forward this blog is now about Amaya, and about this pregnancy journey. About growing as a woman and thanking God he heard my cry. I want to grow even closer to God not because he gave me what I wanted, but because I know there is an assignment for me yet. I love the Lord for who he is, I thank him for what HE has done.
I approx 2.5 wks preggars and I thank God that I didn't have to take any fertility treatments. I lost 40lbs, and I cut back drastically on the carbs.
I will outline what i eat daily, I always read pregnancy journals were they are like eat healthy and i was always like well duh what does that mean, what foods are you actually eating.
I will try my best to outline a lot of that here.
I plan and hope to only gain 30-35lbs this go around. Last time i gained 57lbs.....Yeah Yeah.....I know that is a hella lot.
Right now vitals are good. I am on a prenatal vitamin from walmart. (yes i bought some asap on the first day i found out)...I also am taking armour for my thyroid....
Here we go, battle cry for today: Exodus 24:25-26
25 Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, 26 and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.
And the keynote scripture I have said to myself over and over again, inserting my name for Abram's
Genesis. 15:5
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
I had to recount this day on this blog... OMG.... so here goes, the hubbin and I were actively trying in August, and I was like, praying praying praying to the Lord to conceive. Well today I was like okay my P has not come yet, temps are up, peeing like a bandit, but my legs are aching this is a sign of P right.
Still something told me to go ahead and get a pregnancy test. I took the hubbin to work stopped by CVS on the way to work. Got to work almost ran to the bathroom, took the test, thinking ahh whatever lets just get this out the way. If you are not preggars, wont let it ruin the week.
I looked down at the dang gone test and saw that plus sign. I jumped clear off that toilet saying thank you Jesus.
All day long i was thanking Jesus, saying praising God for his wonderful blessing. I have cried writing this blog, I have prayed, i have screamed, I have prayed and screamed while crying. But the Lord heard my plea, and from the moment I found out I am expecting another miracle, I have been praying for her, for her health, for a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy.
From point forward this blog is now about Amaya, and about this pregnancy journey. About growing as a woman and thanking God he heard my cry. I want to grow even closer to God not because he gave me what I wanted, but because I know there is an assignment for me yet. I love the Lord for who he is, I thank him for what HE has done.
I approx 2.5 wks preggars and I thank God that I didn't have to take any fertility treatments. I lost 40lbs, and I cut back drastically on the carbs.
I will outline what i eat daily, I always read pregnancy journals were they are like eat healthy and i was always like well duh what does that mean, what foods are you actually eating.
I will try my best to outline a lot of that here.
I plan and hope to only gain 30-35lbs this go around. Last time i gained 57lbs.....Yeah Yeah.....I know that is a hella lot.
Right now vitals are good. I am on a prenatal vitamin from walmart. (yes i bought some asap on the first day i found out)...I also am taking armour for my thyroid....
Here we go, battle cry for today: Exodus 24:25-26
25 Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, 26 and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.
And the keynote scripture I have said to myself over and over again, inserting my name for Abram's
Genesis. 15:5
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
Monday, August 26, 2013
Scones and Just Hoping
We made scones on Sunday and let me just tell you the Pioneer Woman petite vanilla bean scone recipe is wonderful. However we didn't do it right because we sifted the dry ingredients, and guess what dough was too airy, to moist, just too everything.
Today we basically did same recipe, used all purpose flour, and didn't sift the dry ingredients and hubbin round here dancing....Hahaha...
I am hoping hopoing hoping cycle does not come- hoping to be preggars.
Today we basically did same recipe, used all purpose flour, and didn't sift the dry ingredients and hubbin round here dancing....Hahaha...
I am hoping hopoing hoping cycle does not come- hoping to be preggars.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Just a thought
First Vitals,
191.9 or so
Blood pressure same
Today I had a cheat day. I made the best peanut butter cookies of which I only had one cookie. Then I made south west eggrolls, (kinda like Chilli's) very good, very filling, but i only had half of one with a salad. Oh and breakfast was egg whites and sausage, right after my two mile walk.
So while it wasn't a great eat day, it wasn't a bad one either.
But what brought me back here today is I had to talk about how much fun the family and I had just chillin out here- cooking together, listening to music, watching tv. We visited the grandma and my mama and then came home. Easy chillaxing Saturday. So what i needed.
The other thing I wanted to mention is that I am interested in bettering each generation, teaching, loving etc. And some of that involves money, I ran across this article, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323823004578594050753630578.html?mod=wsj_valettop_email
How to teach your kids how to invest, my friend Candace (phenomenal woman) sent it to me in email. It had some really practical ways to teach kids at different stages in their development how to treat money, how to grow it and a little on how to take care of it.
I am going to research this topic further, and add it to some of the conversations I will be having with Layna and Mya and EJ as they get older. I want generations to come to know God first and foremost, and to understand different topics in life. Basically I want to give my children a firm foundation and that starts at home.
See Ya.
191.9 or so
Blood pressure same
Today I had a cheat day. I made the best peanut butter cookies of which I only had one cookie. Then I made south west eggrolls, (kinda like Chilli's) very good, very filling, but i only had half of one with a salad. Oh and breakfast was egg whites and sausage, right after my two mile walk.
So while it wasn't a great eat day, it wasn't a bad one either.
But what brought me back here today is I had to talk about how much fun the family and I had just chillin out here- cooking together, listening to music, watching tv. We visited the grandma and my mama and then came home. Easy chillaxing Saturday. So what i needed.
The other thing I wanted to mention is that I am interested in bettering each generation, teaching, loving etc. And some of that involves money, I ran across this article, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323823004578594050753630578.html?mod=wsj_valettop_email
How to teach your kids how to invest, my friend Candace (phenomenal woman) sent it to me in email. It had some really practical ways to teach kids at different stages in their development how to treat money, how to grow it and a little on how to take care of it.
I am going to research this topic further, and add it to some of the conversations I will be having with Layna and Mya and EJ as they get older. I want generations to come to know God first and foremost, and to understand different topics in life. Basically I want to give my children a firm foundation and that starts at home.
See Ya.
A little Stressssseeeddd
I am a little stressed today. But first the vitals.
On maintenance phase of diet still. Still at 191... Thank God.
Blood pressure krept up a little but i think it is because i am tired and stressed quit a bit.
BP 120/83...not bad but up from where it was.
Overall mood, ready for things to wrap up.
I am so ready for the foster parenting licensing process to wrap up. I mean for someone like me who likes clean lines, you tell me what you need. I provide it to you we move on type transactions, this license process has been extremely deep-tiresome and a labor of love. I feel like we are called to do it.---But i need it to come to a close.
I went out for a job at work didn't get it was really bumbed for a variety of reasons, but then I came home and saw my husband...my daughter....my family and I was very very happy. I don't know but that man his love, his support just makes things better. Layna's smile her leg hugs where i can't walk cause her whole body is wrapped around my legs make life's small heartbreaks bearable.
Can you believe I said not getting a spot i went out for is a small heartbreak. Hahah my my how I have grown. I know i have grown cause I find myself praying more, talking to God more, listening to his responses more and desiring his prescence more. I am desperately trying to mature, trying to grow up....I think I am doing it a little bit. heheheh maturity like anything else is a process and a decision- you have to decide to go on the journey to become more than you are in 'this' particular moment.
Which brings me to the topic of friends, I feel like I am outgrowing some, and just not interested in others. I am concerned about that because, well I go through stages in my own thought process so before i back away from people I always ask the question. Keda are you going through a weird time are you upset about something? Do you need a vacation- to regroup....? If the answer is yes to any of the above, then i hold off on deleting folks from FB and I try to be more tolerant of people in general.
So as far as my friends go, I love them, I think right now, I just need some cocoon time, some, house with great music, wine, good food, my hubby and children and fam time. So that i can come out and play nice again. Does any of that make sense.... I suppose I am just a little burnt out...tired of cheerleading everyone, tired of smiling when really a good glass of wine and a nap is what i want.
But I do these things somewhat out of love and somewhat because it is personality driven. If i see someone hurt my natural response is to soothe. If i see someone in need my natural response is to give. Give to the point I don't have anymore to give. I have learned to be practical and say nope, I will not get overly involved with you person because well, "I just don't have anymore of me left to give away". What i have left is for me and the children I am believing God for.
So what is the battle cry for today!
Matthew 6:6
But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
I think that is all I am saying. I need to pour out my heart to the father in his place of quiet, rand be still enough to hear...So yeah time to chill in the house and just be still with God and the fam this weekend.
On maintenance phase of diet still. Still at 191... Thank God.
Blood pressure krept up a little but i think it is because i am tired and stressed quit a bit.
BP 120/83...not bad but up from where it was.
Overall mood, ready for things to wrap up.
I am so ready for the foster parenting licensing process to wrap up. I mean for someone like me who likes clean lines, you tell me what you need. I provide it to you we move on type transactions, this license process has been extremely deep-tiresome and a labor of love. I feel like we are called to do it.---But i need it to come to a close.
I went out for a job at work didn't get it was really bumbed for a variety of reasons, but then I came home and saw my husband...my daughter....my family and I was very very happy. I don't know but that man his love, his support just makes things better. Layna's smile her leg hugs where i can't walk cause her whole body is wrapped around my legs make life's small heartbreaks bearable.
Can you believe I said not getting a spot i went out for is a small heartbreak. Hahah my my how I have grown. I know i have grown cause I find myself praying more, talking to God more, listening to his responses more and desiring his prescence more. I am desperately trying to mature, trying to grow up....I think I am doing it a little bit. heheheh maturity like anything else is a process and a decision- you have to decide to go on the journey to become more than you are in 'this' particular moment.
Which brings me to the topic of friends, I feel like I am outgrowing some, and just not interested in others. I am concerned about that because, well I go through stages in my own thought process so before i back away from people I always ask the question. Keda are you going through a weird time are you upset about something? Do you need a vacation- to regroup....? If the answer is yes to any of the above, then i hold off on deleting folks from FB and I try to be more tolerant of people in general.
So as far as my friends go, I love them, I think right now, I just need some cocoon time, some, house with great music, wine, good food, my hubby and children and fam time. So that i can come out and play nice again. Does any of that make sense.... I suppose I am just a little burnt out...tired of cheerleading everyone, tired of smiling when really a good glass of wine and a nap is what i want.
But I do these things somewhat out of love and somewhat because it is personality driven. If i see someone hurt my natural response is to soothe. If i see someone in need my natural response is to give. Give to the point I don't have anymore to give. I have learned to be practical and say nope, I will not get overly involved with you person because well, "I just don't have anymore of me left to give away". What i have left is for me and the children I am believing God for.
So what is the battle cry for today!
Matthew 6:6
But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
I think that is all I am saying. I need to pour out my heart to the father in his place of quiet, rand be still enough to hear...So yeah time to chill in the house and just be still with God and the fam this weekend.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
BATTER UP BABY
Hello world.... I am in such a great mood. A few things are happening in my life that i want to talk about but of course first vitals.
Weight 190
Blood Pressure 110/77
In stage 3 of HCG Maintenance.
Things i have learned virgin coconut pills will help keep your internal temp up... for people who are trying to conceive that is important. Cinnamon tablets, helps keep your blood sugar stable, all of which are important for conception.
I am so excited to be at this weight. You have no idea. I am within 10lbs of my goal weight which is a 180lbs. I have kicked up my workout regimine to walking 2 miles about 4 days a week. I feel like giving myself some time outside a few times a day is not only helping me physically but emotionally as well.
About a week and a half ago now, there was a posting that came out at work. I didn't post, but by happa-chance i saw my friend who is currently in the job in the hallway at work. he talked to me a good 10 min about the job and how much he loved it and how i would be perfect for it. Well long story short, the posting went down i didn't apply, but something kept nagging at me to apply...so i did a late submission for the role.
Guess what i have an interview for this job. I am praying the will of God in my life right now, and can honestly say i am going to give the interview everything i have and i pray that i get the job, i would sooo love this job. But i am happy because i am finally getting back to that girl who listens to her spirit, hears the word of God speaking and obeys. All week long i kept thinking about the role till finally i had to apply.
Secondly, I am happy because I am finally getting into a routine of running my house, my mom is even commenting on how clean and well kept it is and organized, that brings me so much joy. I always kept a clean house, but now it is a well run house, and will get better. The hubbin is happy, cause i am finally not dieting and we are leaving getting pregnant in the hands of the Lord. Well let me say this, I am finally not on such a strict diet, and isn't so tired all the time from the detoxing portion of the diet.
God is just good he is answering so many prayers, my mom may be getting married to her boyfriend and all though that feels weird like i am giving a daughter/sister/mother away, i am so thrilled cause I love how happy she is when she is with him and how much she enjoys having a companion.
Layna is starting dance class, she is just growing such into a little lady. Discipline lately with the 2.5yr old has been different, but we are keeping consistent both me and the hubbin are. And I have added in my prayer life, prayers for her, and blessings over her and we even ask God for direction on how to parent. Like Lord please help/teach us how to parent this child so that she grows to love the Lord and be of good character.
What else is going on, oh fostering we are finally almost done with the paper work. I am so excited, we are just waiting on our license. Now i will tell you our dream, hubbin and I are believing knowing I will give birth to one more child, Amaya, and she will be happy and healthy and whole. However, we want to also foster we feel like we have so much love to give. And because of the blessings of the Lord financially can give a child a good life, so my daydream a lot of the time is that God will bring us our son through the fostering process. If not that is ok, I will still get to give kids the love and safety they need in deep times in their lives, but i pray for him, kinda hope for him in my mommy heart you know.
I finally feel the way people see me. Meaning at work. I am always so bright and positive and energetic.. I was thinking yesterday during my walk did people really realize how much I pray how much I was fighting to keep my faith and stay on this side of happy. If you read this blog you will see somebody who was fighting for her peace, her joy and who through this renewal, had to come to terms with the will. The WILL OF GOD is what is right for me. -> I still have dreams, Amaya is my dream, Elijah (name of our son) is my dream. But even in that i pray the will of God.
Speaking of prayer...Today officially starts our 21 days of prayer so days is the 4th so it ends on the 25th of this month. I of course have one prayer, that will lead, and that is "if it is your will Lord please bless me to conceive my Amaya"....I have other prayers but that one is the biggie.
I always have my stick with me when i walk and i was thinking what am i going to do with this stick if i do see a dog, but i got to thinking all this warring in the spirit and prayer and physical dieting. I have been knocking Satan out....hence the title Batter up baby...
Battle Cry for the week. Genesis 15:5-6
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.
And He took Lakita outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stairs- if indeed you can count them. Then he said to her, "So shall your offspring be". Lakita believed the Lord and he credited it to her as righteousness.
I mean no disrespect to the word here by substituting my name, but I believe God speaks to each of us individually through the scripture and this is my way to stand on the scripture, when you pray pray the scriptures over your life.
Weight 190
Blood Pressure 110/77
In stage 3 of HCG Maintenance.
Things i have learned virgin coconut pills will help keep your internal temp up... for people who are trying to conceive that is important. Cinnamon tablets, helps keep your blood sugar stable, all of which are important for conception.
I am so excited to be at this weight. You have no idea. I am within 10lbs of my goal weight which is a 180lbs. I have kicked up my workout regimine to walking 2 miles about 4 days a week. I feel like giving myself some time outside a few times a day is not only helping me physically but emotionally as well.
About a week and a half ago now, there was a posting that came out at work. I didn't post, but by happa-chance i saw my friend who is currently in the job in the hallway at work. he talked to me a good 10 min about the job and how much he loved it and how i would be perfect for it. Well long story short, the posting went down i didn't apply, but something kept nagging at me to apply...so i did a late submission for the role.
Guess what i have an interview for this job. I am praying the will of God in my life right now, and can honestly say i am going to give the interview everything i have and i pray that i get the job, i would sooo love this job. But i am happy because i am finally getting back to that girl who listens to her spirit, hears the word of God speaking and obeys. All week long i kept thinking about the role till finally i had to apply.
Secondly, I am happy because I am finally getting into a routine of running my house, my mom is even commenting on how clean and well kept it is and organized, that brings me so much joy. I always kept a clean house, but now it is a well run house, and will get better. The hubbin is happy, cause i am finally not dieting and we are leaving getting pregnant in the hands of the Lord. Well let me say this, I am finally not on such a strict diet, and isn't so tired all the time from the detoxing portion of the diet.
God is just good he is answering so many prayers, my mom may be getting married to her boyfriend and all though that feels weird like i am giving a daughter/sister/mother away, i am so thrilled cause I love how happy she is when she is with him and how much she enjoys having a companion.
Layna is starting dance class, she is just growing such into a little lady. Discipline lately with the 2.5yr old has been different, but we are keeping consistent both me and the hubbin are. And I have added in my prayer life, prayers for her, and blessings over her and we even ask God for direction on how to parent. Like Lord please help/teach us how to parent this child so that she grows to love the Lord and be of good character.
What else is going on, oh fostering we are finally almost done with the paper work. I am so excited, we are just waiting on our license. Now i will tell you our dream, hubbin and I are believing knowing I will give birth to one more child, Amaya, and she will be happy and healthy and whole. However, we want to also foster we feel like we have so much love to give. And because of the blessings of the Lord financially can give a child a good life, so my daydream a lot of the time is that God will bring us our son through the fostering process. If not that is ok, I will still get to give kids the love and safety they need in deep times in their lives, but i pray for him, kinda hope for him in my mommy heart you know.
I finally feel the way people see me. Meaning at work. I am always so bright and positive and energetic.. I was thinking yesterday during my walk did people really realize how much I pray how much I was fighting to keep my faith and stay on this side of happy. If you read this blog you will see somebody who was fighting for her peace, her joy and who through this renewal, had to come to terms with the will. The WILL OF GOD is what is right for me. -> I still have dreams, Amaya is my dream, Elijah (name of our son) is my dream. But even in that i pray the will of God.
Speaking of prayer...Today officially starts our 21 days of prayer so days is the 4th so it ends on the 25th of this month. I of course have one prayer, that will lead, and that is "if it is your will Lord please bless me to conceive my Amaya"....I have other prayers but that one is the biggie.
I always have my stick with me when i walk and i was thinking what am i going to do with this stick if i do see a dog, but i got to thinking all this warring in the spirit and prayer and physical dieting. I have been knocking Satan out....hence the title Batter up baby...
Battle Cry for the week. Genesis 15:5-6
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.
And He took Lakita outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stairs- if indeed you can count them. Then he said to her, "So shall your offspring be". Lakita believed the Lord and he credited it to her as righteousness.
I mean no disrespect to the word here by substituting my name, but I believe God speaks to each of us individually through the scripture and this is my way to stand on the scripture, when you pray pray the scriptures over your life.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
New Things, Possibilities and Yeah Just New
Vitals, I am down to 196---
Still on HCG, took a break for the fourth, learned the following things.
My body can not deal with pasta-especially restaurant pasta gained (2.5lbs) in a couple of days.
Secondly for me being on HCG and coming off of it delayed my cycle by about 3-5 days, which is no biggie the website and the dr said that is normal.
Since losing weight I have lowered my blood pressure significantly,
Switched to Armour thyroid, and I am feeling much better, don't feel the need to sleep as much.
What's new, well lets see, the family has finally made the transition to Birmingham. I am so happy I am about to burst. I really want and love to see my grandmother every day and my uncles and aunts. I am in a new role which I love, but as fortune would have it there are leadership opportunities afooot. I am hoping-praying that I can get a first line leadership position at my company....
We are basically licensed to be foster parents, that should happen at the end of the month, beginning of next God Willing.
And I am just living, learning that every day is soooo precious and beautiful and chalked full of the things we need most, God, love, family.....
I plan to end this HCG diet when i reach a 180lbs so by the end of the month probably. Then I will start the 21days of low carb, then the 21 days of adding a carb a day and exercise back into my diet.
I pray that my cycle starting in August, is good and that i am ovulating fully. hey at this point i would even welcome some twins.
I pray that when Amaya is finally born, i can rename this blog Journey to Amaya.
Battle Cry,
Genesis 15:5
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
Still on HCG, took a break for the fourth, learned the following things.
My body can not deal with pasta-especially restaurant pasta gained (2.5lbs) in a couple of days.
Secondly for me being on HCG and coming off of it delayed my cycle by about 3-5 days, which is no biggie the website and the dr said that is normal.
Since losing weight I have lowered my blood pressure significantly,
Switched to Armour thyroid, and I am feeling much better, don't feel the need to sleep as much.
What's new, well lets see, the family has finally made the transition to Birmingham. I am so happy I am about to burst. I really want and love to see my grandmother every day and my uncles and aunts. I am in a new role which I love, but as fortune would have it there are leadership opportunities afooot. I am hoping-praying that I can get a first line leadership position at my company....
We are basically licensed to be foster parents, that should happen at the end of the month, beginning of next God Willing.
And I am just living, learning that every day is soooo precious and beautiful and chalked full of the things we need most, God, love, family.....
I plan to end this HCG diet when i reach a 180lbs so by the end of the month probably. Then I will start the 21days of low carb, then the 21 days of adding a carb a day and exercise back into my diet.
I pray that my cycle starting in August, is good and that i am ovulating fully. hey at this point i would even welcome some twins.
I pray that when Amaya is finally born, i can rename this blog Journey to Amaya.
Battle Cry,
Genesis 15:5
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
Saturday, June 8, 2013
199 and cheesburgers.
So yeah, I am down to 199.2 lbs. Whoop Whoop... haven't had a one in front of my number for at least mmmm 7 years or so. maybe 8
People come up to me at work and they are like you look so nice, have you lost weight.
LOL, and I am like yep and I smile cause they are being sweet. But really I am thinking yes ma'am I lost weight because I stopped ovulating, and almost had a damn nervous breakdown and at this freaking moment, I am not listening to you be cause I thinking about how I want a cheeseburger so bad I am about to cry.
Lawd Lawd help me. But yes. the HCG diet is working. Last month I think I did ovulate, and this month we shall see. I know one thing this is the hardest diet i have ever done, and it ends on the 12th well this phase ends on the 12th, then i start the second phase which is basically low carb which i do for 21 days, then i add a carb back in a day and try to find some balance through working out and calorie/carb counting. Long road mon amie. But i do feel better, toxicity levels were down by like over half, Blood pressure was 117/78..
I am doing good, but everyone looks like walking cheeseburgers.
I think that is all, well at least all for now.
What is the battle cry
And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living inside of you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives within you.”
People come up to me at work and they are like you look so nice, have you lost weight.
LOL, and I am like yep and I smile cause they are being sweet. But really I am thinking yes ma'am I lost weight because I stopped ovulating, and almost had a damn nervous breakdown and at this freaking moment, I am not listening to you be cause I thinking about how I want a cheeseburger so bad I am about to cry.
Lawd Lawd help me. But yes. the HCG diet is working. Last month I think I did ovulate, and this month we shall see. I know one thing this is the hardest diet i have ever done, and it ends on the 12th well this phase ends on the 12th, then i start the second phase which is basically low carb which i do for 21 days, then i add a carb back in a day and try to find some balance through working out and calorie/carb counting. Long road mon amie. But i do feel better, toxicity levels were down by like over half, Blood pressure was 117/78..
I am doing good, but everyone looks like walking cheeseburgers.
I think that is all, well at least all for now.
What is the battle cry
And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living inside of you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives within you.”
Saturday, June 1, 2013
And the Weight Is
I am down to 204lbs, and getting damned tired of this diet. My taste buds and my body is crying out to end it already and start the maintenance phase of the diet. The maintenane phase is the Atkins diet.
Thank you Jesus for that. I have exactly 13 more days and that will make 36 days on the diet. i was supposed to go 44 days, but i have to do three weeks of maintenance. Well we go to Florida for the July 4th weekend and I wanted to be done resetting my hypothalmus by then, this takes 21 days, which is exactly the day we leave.
I am hoping to get down to 195 by the end of this 13 days and then lose maybe 10 more pounds doing the Atkins diet. We will see.
Pray for me.
Thank you Jesus for that. I have exactly 13 more days and that will make 36 days on the diet. i was supposed to go 44 days, but i have to do three weeks of maintenance. Well we go to Florida for the July 4th weekend and I wanted to be done resetting my hypothalmus by then, this takes 21 days, which is exactly the day we leave.
I am hoping to get down to 195 by the end of this 13 days and then lose maybe 10 more pounds doing the Atkins diet. We will see.
Pray for me.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Trying and Weight Loss and Dealing with Despair
Vitals,
207lbs, down two lbs
117/79 blood pressure pretty much the same
Perspective, sad and confused and angry. I think I am angry because this is the biggest battle of my lifetime. And i am not handling it gracefully. I am crying, and sad and angry, that I let this happen to my body. I am sad I am not ovulating. I am sad. I am sad. I am sad.
And most of all I am sad I can't control the anger and sadness. Now true I am on my menses, so that heightens everything, but now I don't know who to be angry at anymore, myself, my husband, my body, God I don't know.
I know God isn't harming me whatever he does is for the good. I know my husband loves me but poor thing, he doesn't realize the pressure. I know he wants another biological child, but what if i can't produce that.
I am scared of drugs, I don't want our child to have any autisms, or anything like that. I am in a loop, it goes from slight fear, that i can sustain through prayer and praise, to deep fear/despair, because we have been trying for so long, since the summer of 2012, so almost a year. We have taken time off here and there but it has been almost a year. I am sad because although I have lost the weight I don't know how long I can keep it off. And if you have ever been a bigger person you know what it is like to gain weight rapidly and how hard it is to keep it off.
I am sad because my faith should be able to bring me through this, but if you read this blog you will realize my faith waivers, It is like a tattered t-shirt and I am desperately holding on to the remains of it.
I told my husband that I can try for two more months, then maybe we can start the adoption paper work for our little boy. I need to understand and to realize it is ok if I can't have a child naturally maybe that is not God's plan, he already blessed us with our daughter and if we want more children then maybe he is saying let me lead you to the child I have for you.
In this whole thing God has been silent and said no, to ovulation. So maybe that is Him talking.
I don't know.
Our choice is to keep on keeping on with the weight loss, and to give it one last try the months of July and August and then start the adoption process, either private or through fostering.
Infertility has torn me apart inside, I am hanging on to the t-shirt, trying really hard to not lose faith period.
till next time.
Keda
207lbs, down two lbs
117/79 blood pressure pretty much the same
Perspective, sad and confused and angry. I think I am angry because this is the biggest battle of my lifetime. And i am not handling it gracefully. I am crying, and sad and angry, that I let this happen to my body. I am sad I am not ovulating. I am sad. I am sad. I am sad.
And most of all I am sad I can't control the anger and sadness. Now true I am on my menses, so that heightens everything, but now I don't know who to be angry at anymore, myself, my husband, my body, God I don't know.
I know God isn't harming me whatever he does is for the good. I know my husband loves me but poor thing, he doesn't realize the pressure. I know he wants another biological child, but what if i can't produce that.
I am scared of drugs, I don't want our child to have any autisms, or anything like that. I am in a loop, it goes from slight fear, that i can sustain through prayer and praise, to deep fear/despair, because we have been trying for so long, since the summer of 2012, so almost a year. We have taken time off here and there but it has been almost a year. I am sad because although I have lost the weight I don't know how long I can keep it off. And if you have ever been a bigger person you know what it is like to gain weight rapidly and how hard it is to keep it off.
I am sad because my faith should be able to bring me through this, but if you read this blog you will realize my faith waivers, It is like a tattered t-shirt and I am desperately holding on to the remains of it.
I told my husband that I can try for two more months, then maybe we can start the adoption paper work for our little boy. I need to understand and to realize it is ok if I can't have a child naturally maybe that is not God's plan, he already blessed us with our daughter and if we want more children then maybe he is saying let me lead you to the child I have for you.
In this whole thing God has been silent and said no, to ovulation. So maybe that is Him talking.
I don't know.
Our choice is to keep on keeping on with the weight loss, and to give it one last try the months of July and August and then start the adoption process, either private or through fostering.
Infertility has torn me apart inside, I am hanging on to the t-shirt, trying really hard to not lose faith period.
till next time.
Keda
Sunday, May 26, 2013
HCG and another Plateau
This HCG diet has been a God send.
Here are my vitals
209-whoooo hoooo, haven't been in the single digit 200's in a long time.
From 234 to 209 loss of 25lbs, from my biggest it is a lost of 35lbs...
Next Goal 200.
Blood Pressure 117/80
I have had cervicul mucus this month. which i am excited about.
What i am not excited about it that I have plateau'd again. You are supposed to lose a lb a day on this diet, i plateau'd Wed at 211, the dr told me to drop the apples from the HCG so I did, by Firday I was down to 210, Sat 209, today still 209. Now my cycle is supposed to come on the 28th, so I am thinking I am retaining water, in fact I know I am by how my stomach looks, I can't cut anymore food I already am not eating enough to cut. So I am just going to have to wait this out...
Going to church today, excited to hear the word again.
tired today so I guess this is the end of this blog for today.
Keda
Here are my vitals
209-whoooo hoooo, haven't been in the single digit 200's in a long time.
From 234 to 209 loss of 25lbs, from my biggest it is a lost of 35lbs...
Next Goal 200.
Blood Pressure 117/80
I have had cervicul mucus this month. which i am excited about.
What i am not excited about it that I have plateau'd again. You are supposed to lose a lb a day on this diet, i plateau'd Wed at 211, the dr told me to drop the apples from the HCG so I did, by Firday I was down to 210, Sat 209, today still 209. Now my cycle is supposed to come on the 28th, so I am thinking I am retaining water, in fact I know I am by how my stomach looks, I can't cut anymore food I already am not eating enough to cut. So I am just going to have to wait this out...
Going to church today, excited to hear the word again.
tired today so I guess this is the end of this blog for today.
Keda
Monday, May 20, 2013
Messenger (Help Mate) Plus Vitals
So today I woke up thinking about being a messenger. Specifically a woman being a messenger or a helpmate, some say help meet to her husband. It got me thinking about all the men in my life before my husband. I thought about my ex, the one who I wanted to be with soooo bad the one who I thought for sure I could make love me. He never headed anything I said to him, everything was hard, even giving him love let alone advice. to the point it drove me to extremes allowing myself to be mistreated because I honestly believed I loved him. It wasn't until one night I sat alone in his apt provided by the co, that I stopped and cried out to the Lord to just give me a husband, someone different than the one I was with someone who wantedl to be with me, who loved me, who wanted to be married to me and who wanted to have children with me. The only prerequisite I had outside of that is that he have a job.....Cause i had been in a relationship that was going no where where I was not a help meet, help mate, messenger sooo long that I saw clearly that all I really wanted was to have something beautiful something real where i could give to a man and he could give to me and it not be so 'stressful' so full of strife. I didn't pray for a successful man or a rich man. I prayed for a man of God and to have the common sense to love and recognize him when he found me. Let me say God answered that prayer quick fast and in a hurry. That relationship was severed and not by me. I didn't have the strength to leave him. He released me and I praise God for it now, then even though I was destroyed I still had a peace about it.
I remember when i was in college I as enamoured with a guy, we had the best friendship and he wanted to more. He wasn't motivated by school and I would try and motivate him. I would say babe go to school go to class and ummm yeah I come back from my noon class and he would still be there. He never let me help him in anything and even then I realized I wasn't his messenger, wasn't the one to help him by encouraging him. Now he is married with kids and motivated beyond motivated by his wife, do you know why, she is his messenger/his helpmeat. God gives every woman what she needs to be the helpmate for the man he has purposed for her....No other woman can do it for him. No amount of love can do it for him, if that woman is not his helpmate.
I have friends now who are in relationships where they are sooooo unequally yoked, being used, being manipulated being stalled. I wasted a good bit of my 20's in that same situation. I wish I was bold enough to stand in their faces and yelll to the top of my lungs...."you are not his helpmate" if you were this would not be this hard. God is not in confusion, and while I am at it, God is not into you having a relationship, emotional or romantic to a man who is involved in any way, marriage or otherwise. Ask me how I know, been there too.
I pray that one day all I have been through can help me help other young women, because it was God's grace that pulled me back from the hugest mistake, from the brink of am emotional breakdown and to my husband and his love.
Now that I am with the one God intended me to be with, I roll over in the morning and touch his arm and pray for his health. I love him to the point I can't imagine not having this type of love in my life, even when i am mad at him, or disagree with him i still love him.
And being a woman now who is covered makes me look at things differently, makes me weight my options differently.....Makes me not as quick to run for opportunities because all opportunities may not be what your family needs at that moment.
I pray one day that I can publish this blog and young women read it and get the strength to pray to God to be released from situations that are not of God, not where God wants you to be.
Vitals,
Today I reached 212lbs, I haven't been this small in years. can you believe that. I have fought to stay 225 for the past two years, I was 215 before Layna was born. At this rate I hope to be 200 by the end of the month...I just pray I can at least keep half of all this weight I am losing off. I have fought so hard. When people see bigger people they think they are having cake and ice cream everyday, fast food every day...Yeah if i ate like that i would be sooo much bigger than I was... After 50+ days of dieting i had only lost 10lbs, and was struggling to keep that off.
I pray to overcome my weight, and to continue to be healthy for my children. And yes I said children we are still believing for God's will in that situation, but Amaya lives in my heart. She has my eyes when I see her in my mind's eye.
I go in the closet and pray for her and seek the Lord for her, and I thank God for his peace so that I can keep going....People don't know what it is to love children you have not even conceived yet...
We are also believing God to find our son through adoption/fostering we think, not sure which.
Till next time, I leave you with this scripture.
Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised
I remember when i was in college I as enamoured with a guy, we had the best friendship and he wanted to more. He wasn't motivated by school and I would try and motivate him. I would say babe go to school go to class and ummm yeah I come back from my noon class and he would still be there. He never let me help him in anything and even then I realized I wasn't his messenger, wasn't the one to help him by encouraging him. Now he is married with kids and motivated beyond motivated by his wife, do you know why, she is his messenger/his helpmeat. God gives every woman what she needs to be the helpmate for the man he has purposed for her....No other woman can do it for him. No amount of love can do it for him, if that woman is not his helpmate.
I have friends now who are in relationships where they are sooooo unequally yoked, being used, being manipulated being stalled. I wasted a good bit of my 20's in that same situation. I wish I was bold enough to stand in their faces and yelll to the top of my lungs...."you are not his helpmate" if you were this would not be this hard. God is not in confusion, and while I am at it, God is not into you having a relationship, emotional or romantic to a man who is involved in any way, marriage or otherwise. Ask me how I know, been there too.
I pray that one day all I have been through can help me help other young women, because it was God's grace that pulled me back from the hugest mistake, from the brink of am emotional breakdown and to my husband and his love.
Now that I am with the one God intended me to be with, I roll over in the morning and touch his arm and pray for his health. I love him to the point I can't imagine not having this type of love in my life, even when i am mad at him, or disagree with him i still love him.
And being a woman now who is covered makes me look at things differently, makes me weight my options differently.....Makes me not as quick to run for opportunities because all opportunities may not be what your family needs at that moment.
I pray one day that I can publish this blog and young women read it and get the strength to pray to God to be released from situations that are not of God, not where God wants you to be.
Vitals,
Today I reached 212lbs, I haven't been this small in years. can you believe that. I have fought to stay 225 for the past two years, I was 215 before Layna was born. At this rate I hope to be 200 by the end of the month...I just pray I can at least keep half of all this weight I am losing off. I have fought so hard. When people see bigger people they think they are having cake and ice cream everyday, fast food every day...Yeah if i ate like that i would be sooo much bigger than I was... After 50+ days of dieting i had only lost 10lbs, and was struggling to keep that off.
I pray to overcome my weight, and to continue to be healthy for my children. And yes I said children we are still believing for God's will in that situation, but Amaya lives in my heart. She has my eyes when I see her in my mind's eye.
I go in the closet and pray for her and seek the Lord for her, and I thank God for his peace so that I can keep going....People don't know what it is to love children you have not even conceived yet...
We are also believing God to find our son through adoption/fostering we think, not sure which.
Till next time, I leave you with this scripture.
Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised
Thursday, May 16, 2013
HCG and other news
So, I found a doctor here that is into integrated medicine. She is awesome. She listened to everything I had to say she checked my thyroid confirmed I was on right dose, explained to me that I have a metabolic disorder which has contributed to my thyroid disfunction.
She went on to tell me that I needed to mostly eat meat, beans, vegetables and some fruit if i wanted to maintain my weight. Also when I wanted carbs it would be best to eat Gluten free carbohydrates. ( in moderation)
Because i have not lost any weight she said i would need to go on a HCG diet to get the weight off as quickly as possible then follow the maintenance diet she described above. I am on the HCG diet now I know this is just a jump start and many people regain a lot of the weight back. But if i can just keep half of the weight i lose off i will be happy.
Since i started this diet I have lost quite a bit of weight. The other thing that happened was that I think I ovulated. Like I am pretty sure I ovulated on the 14th of this month. I had cervical mucus which was my sign. I am thinking this is so. I have stopped using the Clear Blue Easy because it always says not ovulating it said that even when i conceived my daughter. I am just on a quest to be healthier. I need to be healthier for this family.
I may never be thin but if I could maintain a weight of 180 or even 190 I would be happy. Why do I say that well because I have been +200lbs the majority of my life. In highschool I was 211, my breast contributed to a lot of that I was a 44DDD, and then in college through a punishing exercise routine, low carbing and even tight calorie restriction I got down to my smallest I have ever been which was 162. I have never seen 150lbs in my adult life.
When i got married I was right at 215, when I had Layna I was 270, a year after she was born I topped out at 235, then I lost about 12lbs and was able to get down to 223.... which is about where I have stayed. So you see it i has been an uphill battle for me. I do workout I do count carbs, calories and have dieted and if i didn't at least try to keep weight down i would be a big big girl. So you seen 180 for me is like what 130 would be for most people.
I am just blessed to be able to go to these doctors and really learn about nutrition for MY body, cause ultimately that is what nutrition is about everyone's body is different a person needs a individualized plan.
I am moving forward I am being proactive and I am still believing.
That is all.
She went on to tell me that I needed to mostly eat meat, beans, vegetables and some fruit if i wanted to maintain my weight. Also when I wanted carbs it would be best to eat Gluten free carbohydrates. ( in moderation)
Because i have not lost any weight she said i would need to go on a HCG diet to get the weight off as quickly as possible then follow the maintenance diet she described above. I am on the HCG diet now I know this is just a jump start and many people regain a lot of the weight back. But if i can just keep half of the weight i lose off i will be happy.
Since i started this diet I have lost quite a bit of weight. The other thing that happened was that I think I ovulated. Like I am pretty sure I ovulated on the 14th of this month. I had cervical mucus which was my sign. I am thinking this is so. I have stopped using the Clear Blue Easy because it always says not ovulating it said that even when i conceived my daughter. I am just on a quest to be healthier. I need to be healthier for this family.
I may never be thin but if I could maintain a weight of 180 or even 190 I would be happy. Why do I say that well because I have been +200lbs the majority of my life. In highschool I was 211, my breast contributed to a lot of that I was a 44DDD, and then in college through a punishing exercise routine, low carbing and even tight calorie restriction I got down to my smallest I have ever been which was 162. I have never seen 150lbs in my adult life.
When i got married I was right at 215, when I had Layna I was 270, a year after she was born I topped out at 235, then I lost about 12lbs and was able to get down to 223.... which is about where I have stayed. So you see it i has been an uphill battle for me. I do workout I do count carbs, calories and have dieted and if i didn't at least try to keep weight down i would be a big big girl. So you seen 180 for me is like what 130 would be for most people.
I am just blessed to be able to go to these doctors and really learn about nutrition for MY body, cause ultimately that is what nutrition is about everyone's body is different a person needs a individualized plan.
I am moving forward I am being proactive and I am still believing.
That is all.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Blessed
I can not complain. Today was awesome day.
I learned a lot about myself in our fostering class. I learned a lot about how other people thought and what they can and would do to build a family.
There is a woman who has been fostering for 22 years. She has six adopted children of her own, all of different races, Black, Asian, White, Hispanic maybe. I saw a picture of her family and just felt such a blast of fresh air. Those kids looked happy and healthy and loved and they were smiling. She told the truth and said they were smiling that day, hahahhah i think that is real. I respect that that realness.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor, to talk about my hypothyroidism and being put back on Armour and trying to regain some of my energy. I am not on a diet right now. I just can't continue to diet. I have never lost anything other than 15lbs, a lot of that is because my medicine has been off, once I discuss my diet with this doctor I am going to get back on some kind of diet, but for right now I just needed a break.
Blood pressure is still good. Haven't gained or lost any weight.
One thing today that I realized was how blessed I am. My husband and my daughter, my whole family including aunts uncles and cousins are my life. I am so blessed to have such a great family. I am so happy to have a healthy happy little girl and a healthy husband who I pray over many mornings while he is still sleep and I am up grabbing a quiet moment.
Blessed Lord Blessed. My soul is content in all that God has given me. I do desire another healthy happy child, but I had to take this moment and say thank you Jesus.
I was baptized this Sunday. I wanted the world to know that I have given my life to Jesus. That i believe that Christ died for my sins and rose again and is sitting on the right hand side of the father. I want my life to mean something. I want to serve, I want to have a servant's heart for my husband and for whatever ministry God gets me into. I feel like I have so much to give.
That is all for now,
Till next time. ---"And Abraham believed and it was counted unto him as righteousness"
I learned a lot about myself in our fostering class. I learned a lot about how other people thought and what they can and would do to build a family.
There is a woman who has been fostering for 22 years. She has six adopted children of her own, all of different races, Black, Asian, White, Hispanic maybe. I saw a picture of her family and just felt such a blast of fresh air. Those kids looked happy and healthy and loved and they were smiling. She told the truth and said they were smiling that day, hahahhah i think that is real. I respect that that realness.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor, to talk about my hypothyroidism and being put back on Armour and trying to regain some of my energy. I am not on a diet right now. I just can't continue to diet. I have never lost anything other than 15lbs, a lot of that is because my medicine has been off, once I discuss my diet with this doctor I am going to get back on some kind of diet, but for right now I just needed a break.
Blood pressure is still good. Haven't gained or lost any weight.
One thing today that I realized was how blessed I am. My husband and my daughter, my whole family including aunts uncles and cousins are my life. I am so blessed to have such a great family. I am so happy to have a healthy happy little girl and a healthy husband who I pray over many mornings while he is still sleep and I am up grabbing a quiet moment.
Blessed Lord Blessed. My soul is content in all that God has given me. I do desire another healthy happy child, but I had to take this moment and say thank you Jesus.
I was baptized this Sunday. I wanted the world to know that I have given my life to Jesus. That i believe that Christ died for my sins and rose again and is sitting on the right hand side of the father. I want my life to mean something. I want to serve, I want to have a servant's heart for my husband and for whatever ministry God gets me into. I feel like I have so much to give.
That is all for now,
Till next time. ---"And Abraham believed and it was counted unto him as righteousness"
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Friends...God is Correct and Fostering
Today Today Today.....today has been a deep day.
Vitals: I am so happy to report my period came on its own right at 27 days from my last period. I have not lost or gained any weight which I am also happy about. I am praying to ovulate. That is my hope, my goal, my desire, my prayer.
I have a meeting with a integrated health dr who is also a Armour prescribe. I am hoping to switch from levothyroxine to Armour I used to feel much better on Armour.
One of my friends at work is pregnant. I am sooo excited for her, but if I am honest with myself, I did feel a little pang, a little sadness. But it wasn't the sharp about to cry pain instead it was a 'ok' pain if there is such a thing. A ok pain basically means that I am leaning on what I learned from Dena years ago, God is correct, whether or not I get pregnant again or not God is correct. Do I still hope, do i still pray about it yes, but God is correct and I am on a every day mission to be ok with that always.
Fast forward to me getting off of work, well at that point I went to our foster parenting classes. I don't know if I talk about fostering here much, but the hubby and I have decided to foster. We believe that it is a great way to give back, a great way to use all this love we still have that covers Layna and then overflows unto others. I just feel it. I don't know... I can't unpack that emotion, so I won't.
But what I love about these classes is I think they are helping me and Henni become better parents, hearing about reward systems, attachment etc etc, yeah happy for this experience.
Lastly I suppose is my life, at least who I am becoming in my life. On the way home Henni asked me do I just discuss life's lil moments with anyone of my friends in particular. And I said to him you know my aunt has always said that in life you go through seasons. She said sometimes for a decade you are in an action mode, sometimes a quiet mode, sometimes angry or talkative, that doesn't mean that is all everyday just that when you look at that time in your life you realize you were learning something then going through some emotion that was more dominant than the rest.
This season of my life I have become much more introspective. I am my own conversation if that makes sense, and all through I have friends that I talk to, I don't talk to anyone about the totality of my life my thoughts, fears, successes insecurities etc. I mean I am jut now learning to talk to God about those things, and in prayer I talk about the above. In my quiet time I contemplate me, who I am, what is important to me. I contemplate the choices I have made by mere acquiescence and the ones I have made boldly and assuredly. So I say to Hubbin "no I don't really talk to anyone like that" mostly because this is a time in my life where I am quiet, where I am changing and coming into what this life I have been blessed to have and this family we have created is really about.
I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I suppose the totality of it all is this.
' I am living life while at the same time I am observing myself and this life and the choices and decisions, I have made while I am making them.' That's strange, but it is what I am doing.....
Vitals: I am so happy to report my period came on its own right at 27 days from my last period. I have not lost or gained any weight which I am also happy about. I am praying to ovulate. That is my hope, my goal, my desire, my prayer.
I have a meeting with a integrated health dr who is also a Armour prescribe. I am hoping to switch from levothyroxine to Armour I used to feel much better on Armour.
One of my friends at work is pregnant. I am sooo excited for her, but if I am honest with myself, I did feel a little pang, a little sadness. But it wasn't the sharp about to cry pain instead it was a 'ok' pain if there is such a thing. A ok pain basically means that I am leaning on what I learned from Dena years ago, God is correct, whether or not I get pregnant again or not God is correct. Do I still hope, do i still pray about it yes, but God is correct and I am on a every day mission to be ok with that always.
Fast forward to me getting off of work, well at that point I went to our foster parenting classes. I don't know if I talk about fostering here much, but the hubby and I have decided to foster. We believe that it is a great way to give back, a great way to use all this love we still have that covers Layna and then overflows unto others. I just feel it. I don't know... I can't unpack that emotion, so I won't.
But what I love about these classes is I think they are helping me and Henni become better parents, hearing about reward systems, attachment etc etc, yeah happy for this experience.
Lastly I suppose is my life, at least who I am becoming in my life. On the way home Henni asked me do I just discuss life's lil moments with anyone of my friends in particular. And I said to him you know my aunt has always said that in life you go through seasons. She said sometimes for a decade you are in an action mode, sometimes a quiet mode, sometimes angry or talkative, that doesn't mean that is all everyday just that when you look at that time in your life you realize you were learning something then going through some emotion that was more dominant than the rest.
This season of my life I have become much more introspective. I am my own conversation if that makes sense, and all through I have friends that I talk to, I don't talk to anyone about the totality of my life my thoughts, fears, successes insecurities etc. I mean I am jut now learning to talk to God about those things, and in prayer I talk about the above. In my quiet time I contemplate me, who I am, what is important to me. I contemplate the choices I have made by mere acquiescence and the ones I have made boldly and assuredly. So I say to Hubbin "no I don't really talk to anyone like that" mostly because this is a time in my life where I am quiet, where I am changing and coming into what this life I have been blessed to have and this family we have created is really about.
I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I suppose the totality of it all is this.
' I am living life while at the same time I am observing myself and this life and the choices and decisions, I have made while I am making them.' That's strange, but it is what I am doing.....
Friday, April 26, 2013
Im Back
I'm back.... been gone a while had a work meeting out of town.
It taught me two things. One the stage in my life where I used to travel for my job I can never return to. Why? I missed my family way toooooooooo much on even a week long trip no way I could do the three four month assignments I used to do.
The second thing it taught me is that I am so thankful for my life, for my loved ones, my child, my husband and mother and family. I am so thankful. I asked God for this life a long time ago and he blessed me with this life, and my job, my role, and my joy is being here loving the people God has allowed into my life.
Being away allowed me to finish grieving, pray, and read and prioritize. One thing I am recommitted to is losing weight just for me. I want to lose 40lbs by the end of this year. I am hoping really to lose it by the end of October but the end of the year is ok too. I am ready, ready to be a better me....
It taught me two things. One the stage in my life where I used to travel for my job I can never return to. Why? I missed my family way toooooooooo much on even a week long trip no way I could do the three four month assignments I used to do.
The second thing it taught me is that I am so thankful for my life, for my loved ones, my child, my husband and mother and family. I am so thankful. I asked God for this life a long time ago and he blessed me with this life, and my job, my role, and my joy is being here loving the people God has allowed into my life.
Being away allowed me to finish grieving, pray, and read and prioritize. One thing I am recommitted to is losing weight just for me. I want to lose 40lbs by the end of this year. I am hoping really to lose it by the end of October but the end of the year is ok too. I am ready, ready to be a better me....
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Sad, but moving on
I am moving on. This post is no longer going to be about fertility. This post is instead going to be about me losing weight for me and for the one's the Lord has blessed me with already. Tonight I was looking around my house and have seen how the house has become a home over the last four years. I see the man sleeping in bed with me, he is my hubby and more than that he is my friend. I forgive him and me for letting fertility take over our lives and our marriage. I am working on actively forgiving him every day and every time I think about it for not wanting to adopt.
Instead, I choose to think of all the times he has forgiven me for this or that, and I remember that that is what marriage is about forgiveness and love and being happy in the good times...These are good times, but sadly for a long while now at least a year I have chosen not to focus on the good but on what I thought would be the 'completion' of our family. Our family is complete, and that chapter of my life is over......
I choose to move on..........I choose to heal and let it be ok. I choose to say thank you Jesus for your love and your many blessings and the child you have already given us. I choose to raise her to the best of my ability to be a God fearing woman. I choose not to continue to mourn, and grieve which is what i was doing......
That is all for today.
Instead, I choose to think of all the times he has forgiven me for this or that, and I remember that that is what marriage is about forgiveness and love and being happy in the good times...These are good times, but sadly for a long while now at least a year I have chosen not to focus on the good but on what I thought would be the 'completion' of our family. Our family is complete, and that chapter of my life is over......
I choose to move on..........I choose to heal and let it be ok. I choose to say thank you Jesus for your love and your many blessings and the child you have already given us. I choose to raise her to the best of my ability to be a God fearing woman. I choose not to continue to mourn, and grieve which is what i was doing......
That is all for today.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
When God says No
Today isn't the best day, I am on CD 14 and Clear Blue Easy Says low fertility.
That's ok, I know I am not ovulating, no cervical mucus either.
I tried to talk to Henry about our options, drugs, adoption, or just understanding and just having Layna and being happy we have Layna.
He doesn't want to do fertility drugs, doesn't want to adopt, so now I am saying Ok maybe this is God's way of saying no to another child. If so I am still going to love God and worship God.... I am going to pray for this marriage and to not resent my husband for leaving Layna alone in the world without a sibling, I went through that so I know that story.
Its ok, you know. God is correct I will hold on to that.
Keda
That's ok, I know I am not ovulating, no cervical mucus either.
I tried to talk to Henry about our options, drugs, adoption, or just understanding and just having Layna and being happy we have Layna.
He doesn't want to do fertility drugs, doesn't want to adopt, so now I am saying Ok maybe this is God's way of saying no to another child. If so I am still going to love God and worship God.... I am going to pray for this marriage and to not resent my husband for leaving Layna alone in the world without a sibling, I went through that so I know that story.
Its ok, you know. God is correct I will hold on to that.
Keda
Monday, April 15, 2013
Encouragement
Today I walked about two miles with my mom. Yeppers we are talking again, we don't stay mad long lol. Nothing new to report.
I leave you with this little bit of encouragement.
Genesis 15:5-6
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith
I leave you with this little bit of encouragement.
Genesis 15:5-6
He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith
I choose to believe that I will ovulate and have Amaya who is a healthy happy baby.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Pollen
The pollen in Alabama is freaking unbelievable. it is like on the 97.5% scale every day. They say this is the highest pollen count in years. I believe Mr. Weatherman too because everyday I have to take Zyrtec and a decongestant just to function. I have stopped taking the decongestant because well I have a life and I can not sleep it away. The decongestant puts me to sleep in under thirty minutes. Soo i have been slightly miserable with the sinus issues plus this damn pollen causing me to go into hibernation.
I have broken down and decided to take a allergy shot, possibly. I really don't like them because I get kinda nauseous, but we will see. I know i have to stop taking the Zyrtec and decongestant anyway because if I get pregnant this month they could harm the fetus. So I am weaning myself off of them anyway.
On another note, now that I have stopped eating fast food, and have stopped eating a lot of food from boxes, guess what has happened, I am not getting boils anymore. I used to get boils under my arms and they would get so big that I couldn't rest my arm a certain way. When they were ready to pop this infected green foul smelling puss would come out. It wasn't until my hubbin pointed out to me that the reason I was not getting boils on this diet is because my body doesn't have anything that it needs to detox. I know I probably sound like a dumb A**, but this blog is about honest right, I honestly didn't know why I was getting the boils, I went to the dermatologist and he told me 'dark' skinned people. i.e black folk were more prone to them and that was all. I didn't think anything else of it, because I had had them for years like before my highschool years so his explanation made sense. But then I also had a very bad diet back then too. So there ya go.
I am so happy that I have been able to stay on this diet for so long. I am 219lbs, normally when I reach this point I get cocky and go off the diet, it may be because I get tired of such a restrictive diet. This time though I am keeping going and I am so proud. Hopefully I get pregnant this month, I have been praying that I do. If not I am going to have my free days at the end of the month then go right back on. Then my new goal will be to get below 210....
When, and I do mean when I get pregnant, I am going to take a different approach to my nutrition than I did last time. I am going to eat from home, no fast food, incorporate more fruit, less carbs, and more veggies. I am of course not going to go so low carb that I go into Ketosis, as we know that can harm a fetus, but I will not be eating bread/potato's/chips etc in large quantities as apart of my everyday diet. I will walk more but not to lose weight rather to keep my blood pressure and blood sugar regulated more. I am so happy that I am doing better with my eating, but I am not going to lie, I am scared. I don't know how long I can keep the weight off. So I really want to get pregnant soon. Still I am going to keep going keep dieting and keep exercising.
There is a tilapia recipe with salmon I am going to try soon to very the meat up.
Till next time.
Keda
I have broken down and decided to take a allergy shot, possibly. I really don't like them because I get kinda nauseous, but we will see. I know i have to stop taking the Zyrtec and decongestant anyway because if I get pregnant this month they could harm the fetus. So I am weaning myself off of them anyway.
On another note, now that I have stopped eating fast food, and have stopped eating a lot of food from boxes, guess what has happened, I am not getting boils anymore. I used to get boils under my arms and they would get so big that I couldn't rest my arm a certain way. When they were ready to pop this infected green foul smelling puss would come out. It wasn't until my hubbin pointed out to me that the reason I was not getting boils on this diet is because my body doesn't have anything that it needs to detox. I know I probably sound like a dumb A**, but this blog is about honest right, I honestly didn't know why I was getting the boils, I went to the dermatologist and he told me 'dark' skinned people. i.e black folk were more prone to them and that was all. I didn't think anything else of it, because I had had them for years like before my highschool years so his explanation made sense. But then I also had a very bad diet back then too. So there ya go.
I am so happy that I have been able to stay on this diet for so long. I am 219lbs, normally when I reach this point I get cocky and go off the diet, it may be because I get tired of such a restrictive diet. This time though I am keeping going and I am so proud. Hopefully I get pregnant this month, I have been praying that I do. If not I am going to have my free days at the end of the month then go right back on. Then my new goal will be to get below 210....
When, and I do mean when I get pregnant, I am going to take a different approach to my nutrition than I did last time. I am going to eat from home, no fast food, incorporate more fruit, less carbs, and more veggies. I am of course not going to go so low carb that I go into Ketosis, as we know that can harm a fetus, but I will not be eating bread/potato's/chips etc in large quantities as apart of my everyday diet. I will walk more but not to lose weight rather to keep my blood pressure and blood sugar regulated more. I am so happy that I am doing better with my eating, but I am not going to lie, I am scared. I don't know how long I can keep the weight off. So I really want to get pregnant soon. Still I am going to keep going keep dieting and keep exercising.
There is a tilapia recipe with salmon I am going to try soon to very the meat up.
Till next time.
Keda
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