Friends...God is Correct and Fostering

Today Today Today.....today has been a deep day.

Vitals: I am so happy to report my period came on its own right at 27 days from my last period. I have not lost or gained any weight which I am also happy about. I am praying to ovulate. That is my hope, my goal, my desire, my prayer.

I have a meeting with a integrated health dr who is also a Armour prescribe.  I am hoping to switch from levothyroxine to Armour I used to feel much better on Armour.

One of my friends at work is pregnant. I am sooo excited for her, but if I am honest with myself, I did feel a little pang, a little sadness. But it wasn't the sharp about to cry pain instead it was a 'ok' pain if there is such a thing. A ok pain basically means that I am leaning on what I learned from Dena years ago, God is correct, whether or not I get pregnant again or not God is correct. Do I still hope, do i still pray about it yes, but God is correct and I am on a every day mission to be ok with that always.

Fast forward to me getting off of work, well at that point I went to our foster parenting classes. I don't know if I talk about fostering here much, but the hubby and I have decided to foster. We believe that it is a great way to give back, a great way to use all this love we still have that covers Layna and then overflows unto others.  I just feel it. I don't know... I can't unpack that emotion, so I won't.

But what I love about these classes is I think they are helping me and Henni become better parents, hearing about reward systems, attachment etc etc, yeah happy for this experience.

Lastly I suppose is my life, at least who I am becoming in my life. On the way home Henni asked me do I just discuss life's lil moments with anyone of my friends in particular. And I said to him you know my aunt has always said that in life you go through seasons. She said sometimes for a decade you are in an action mode, sometimes a quiet mode, sometimes angry or talkative, that doesn't mean that is all everyday just that when you look at that time in your life you realize you were learning something then going through some emotion that was more dominant than the rest.

This season of my life I have become much more introspective. I am my own conversation if that makes sense, and all through I have friends that I talk to, I don't talk to anyone about the totality of my life my thoughts, fears, successes  insecurities etc.  I mean I am jut now learning to talk to God about those things, and in prayer I talk about the above. In my quiet time I contemplate me, who I am, what is important to me. I contemplate the choices I have made by mere acquiescence and the ones I have made boldly and assuredly. So I say to Hubbin  "no I don't really talk to anyone like that" mostly because this is a time in my life where I am quiet, where I am changing and coming into what this life I have been blessed to have and this family we have created is really about.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I suppose the totality of it all is this.

' I am living life while at the same time I am observing myself and this life and the choices and decisions, I have made while I am making them.' That's strange, but it is what I am doing.....