So today I woke up thinking about being a messenger. Specifically a woman being a messenger or a helpmate, some say help meet to her husband. It got me thinking about all the men in my life before my husband. I thought about my ex, the one who I wanted to be with soooo bad the one who I thought for sure I could make love me. He never headed anything I said to him, everything was hard, even giving him love let alone advice. to the point it drove me to extremes allowing myself to be mistreated because I honestly believed I loved him. It wasn't until one night I sat alone in his apt provided by the co, that I stopped and cried out to the Lord to just give me a husband, someone different than the one I was with someone who wantedl to be with me, who loved me, who wanted to be married to me and who wanted to have children with me. The only prerequisite I had outside of that is that he have a job.....Cause i had been in a relationship that was going no where where I was not a help meet, help mate, messenger sooo long that I saw clearly that all I really wanted was to have something beautiful something real where i could give to a man and he could give to me and it not be so 'stressful' so full of strife. I didn't pray for a successful man or a rich man. I prayed for a man of God and to have the common sense to love and recognize him when he found me. Let me say God answered that prayer quick fast and in a hurry. That relationship was severed and not by me. I didn't have the strength to leave him. He released me and I praise God for it now, then even though I was destroyed I still had a peace about it.
I remember when i was in college I as enamoured with a guy, we had the best friendship and he wanted to more. He wasn't motivated by school and I would try and motivate him. I would say babe go to school go to class and ummm yeah I come back from my noon class and he would still be there. He never let me help him in anything and even then I realized I wasn't his messenger, wasn't the one to help him by encouraging him. Now he is married with kids and motivated beyond motivated by his wife, do you know why, she is his messenger/his helpmeat. God gives every woman what she needs to be the helpmate for the man he has purposed for her....No other woman can do it for him. No amount of love can do it for him, if that woman is not his helpmate.
I have friends now who are in relationships where they are sooooo unequally yoked, being used, being manipulated being stalled. I wasted a good bit of my 20's in that same situation. I wish I was bold enough to stand in their faces and yelll to the top of my lungs...."you are not his helpmate" if you were this would not be this hard. God is not in confusion, and while I am at it, God is not into you having a relationship, emotional or romantic to a man who is involved in any way, marriage or otherwise. Ask me how I know, been there too.
I pray that one day all I have been through can help me help other young women, because it was God's grace that pulled me back from the hugest mistake, from the brink of am emotional breakdown and to my husband and his love.
Now that I am with the one God intended me to be with, I roll over in the morning and touch his arm and pray for his health. I love him to the point I can't imagine not having this type of love in my life, even when i am mad at him, or disagree with him i still love him.
And being a woman now who is covered makes me look at things differently, makes me weight my options differently.....Makes me not as quick to run for opportunities because all opportunities may not be what your family needs at that moment.
I pray one day that I can publish this blog and young women read it and get the strength to pray to God to be released from situations that are not of God, not where God wants you to be.
Vitals,
Today I reached 212lbs, I haven't been this small in years. can you believe that. I have fought to stay 225 for the past two years, I was 215 before Layna was born. At this rate I hope to be 200 by the end of the month...I just pray I can at least keep half of all this weight I am losing off. I have fought so hard. When people see bigger people they think they are having cake and ice cream everyday, fast food every day...Yeah if i ate like that i would be sooo much bigger than I was... After 50+ days of dieting i had only lost 10lbs, and was struggling to keep that off.
I pray to overcome my weight, and to continue to be healthy for my children. And yes I said children we are still believing for God's will in that situation, but Amaya lives in my heart. She has my eyes when I see her in my mind's eye.
I go in the closet and pray for her and seek the Lord for her, and I thank God for his peace so that I can keep going....People don't know what it is to love children you have not even conceived yet...
We are also believing God to find our son through adoption/fostering we think, not sure which.
Till next time, I leave you with this scripture.
Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised
No comments:
Post a Comment