A little Stressssseeeddd

I am a little stressed today. But first the vitals.

On maintenance phase of diet still. Still at 191... Thank God.
Blood pressure krept up a little but i think it is because i am tired and stressed quit a bit.
BP 120/83...not bad but up from where it was.
Overall mood, ready for things to wrap up.

I am so ready for the foster parenting licensing process to wrap up. I mean for someone like me who likes clean lines, you tell me what you need. I provide it to you we move on type transactions, this license process has been extremely deep-tiresome and a labor of love. I feel like we are called to do it.---But i need it to come to a close.

I went out for a job at work didn't get it was really bumbed for a variety of reasons, but then I came home and saw my husband...my daughter....my family and I was very very happy. I don't know but that man his love, his support just makes things better. Layna's smile her leg hugs where i can't walk cause her whole body is wrapped around my legs make life's small heartbreaks bearable.

Can you believe I said not getting a spot i went out for is a small heartbreak. Hahah my my how I have grown. I know i have grown cause I find myself praying more, talking to God more, listening to his responses more and desiring his prescence more. I am desperately trying to mature, trying to grow up....I think I am doing it a little bit. heheheh maturity like anything else is a process and a decision- you have to decide to go on the journey to become more than you are in 'this' particular moment.

Which brings me to the topic of friends, I feel like I am outgrowing some, and just not interested in others. I am concerned about that because, well I go through stages in my own thought process so before i back away from people I always ask the question. Keda are you going through a weird time are you upset about something? Do you need a vacation- to regroup....? If the answer is yes to any of the above, then i hold off on deleting folks from FB and I try to be more tolerant of people in general.

So as far as my friends go, I love them, I think right now, I just need some cocoon time, some, house with great music, wine, good food, my hubby and children and fam time. So that i can come out and play nice again. Does any of that make sense.... I suppose I am just a little burnt out...tired of cheerleading everyone, tired of smiling when really a good glass of wine and a nap is what i want.

But I do these things somewhat out of love and somewhat because it is personality driven. If i see someone hurt my natural response is to soothe. If i see someone in need my natural response is to give. Give to the point I don't have anymore to give. I have learned to be practical and say nope, I will not get overly involved with you person because well, "I just don't have anymore of me left to give away". What i have left is for me and the children I am believing God for.

So what is the battle cry for today!

Matthew 6:6
But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

I think that is all I am saying. I need to pour out my heart to the father in his place of quiet, rand be still enough to hear...So yeah time to chill in the house and just be still with God and the fam this weekend.