Balm

I used food as a balm to soothe me. I don't drink, well not to excess, don't smoke etc. So food is my drug of choice.....I used it a lot to help me get through devestation. For example when my toxic ex broke up with me...... I was stangley happy about it but devestated that nothing was salvaged not even friendship....But what did I do on that day he put my shit in the car with my dogs' stuff all mixed in. I sat on my bed in that hotel room and said FUCK HIM AND FUCK THIS....HE CAN'T HAVE IT ALL....Now i am a Christian, woman but at the time I didn't say oh let me pray for him ,no I said fuck this, and then I promptly went to Olive Garden had some Chicken fettuccine Alfredo, while i cried into my wine and started to plan on how to rebuild my life...... that's the truth.

When i think back on that situation, the aftermath, the time spent with someone who I KNEW IN MY SOUL DID NOT LOVE ME....that also made me sad. I was stupid for wasting my twenties, with someone who if I was real real with me not only did not love me he also didn't like me. Didn't like my goofiness, and my lack of short skirt extra high heel style. What he did like was the fact that i can balance a check book, I could save, I was career oriented, and I am naturally a giver, so he was more than willing to take.... I didn't realize someone being inclined to take from me did not mean, that they were inclined to love me. Totally never really occured to me AT ALL. But i got over that with food, like i got over all the other little and big pitfalls of my life, with food. Food! Food! Food!...So now maybe writing, exercising, and getting into the word of God will help me with this food addiction. Lets call a spade a spade, if you eat when you are sad, stressed, nervous, anxious, tired, confused, happy or any other emotion, you have a food addiction. If you think about food almost as much as any other topic you have a food addiction. I could go on and on... But you get the point, if food is a central theme in your day/life/social circle you have a food addiction, and I am finally being real enough with myself to say that is the truth about me. I have a food addiction. And i am going to overcome it and not pass it down to my children.