It has been a horrible day. Started the day with a head ache, pressure up and down all day.
Layna has whined all day long, and I don't know if it is just lack of sleep or worry or stress or counting kicks all day but the whinning has literally driven me up a wall.
I called the dr on call/nurse practitioner and gave her my information about the headaches, the pressure, heart racing, she said pressure was not too bad, but from here on out I am to be on extreme bed rest instead of modified. Meaning i only get up to pee. This worried me like none other.
For the last month or so i have had to really watch the pressure. My body is doing well, but it was like no extra nothing was going to be done. I would walk from the parking lot to the door of my office and have to stop and sit on the green chairs right inside the door to catch my breathe, sweat pouring down my face like I had run a marathon. Go to the bathroom wash my face off with cold water before I went to my desk. It was a uphill battle.
I am so tired of being tired, that is one theme of this blog.... I am always tired. I can't even cook or get the babies room together cause I am sweating and my heart is racing.Can't sweep, do laundry nothing. At this point all I literally can do it sit still. I am so frustrated with that I don't know what to do......
I AM FRUSTRATED
But I keep praying. At this point that is all i got. Believing God that the breakthrough, the birth of this happy healthy child is on the way. I hope so cause I am tired from my mind to my body, my spirit, my soul, my feet are tired.
Only a mother knows what it is to carry a child. To love them from the moment of conception. I am so stressed, i don't know if I should walk in the dr's office tomorrow and demand to be induced or if I should wait on God. Given Layna was distressed some and the cord was around her neck I am scared to be induced. I am scared to let Alex stay in the womb to long either with BP going up and down.
I am distressed and can't come to a decision which is sooo unlike me, that it is literally causing me to be unnerved. I am hoping that the decision won't be mine. That I will go into labor. I am praying to go into labor naturally, cause I am ready and I am tired. Between trying to keep my bp down, and counting kicks and numerous dr visits, and prayer and just believing God, I am exhausted. Did you know believing is a choice it is all a choice. I believe God for Alexander Emerson Wheat.
I know the breakthrough is coming cause I'm at the end of all possible strength I have. I am literally leaning on grace right now. Believing that I won't fall.
Battle Cry for today:
Psalms 46:10
Be Still and know that I am God
Isaiah 26:13
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you
John 16:21-24
21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
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