So I haven't posted in a long time.
Two Words....Sleep Deprivation!
Alexander loves and I do mean loves to keep up the schedule he formed in the womb. Which means he sleeps all the morning till mid afternoon, wakes up to entertain us around 2pm, then goes to sleep only to wake in very short intervals throughout the early evening. Oh but wait to 9pm at night comes, he is up active, lively cooing and or crying whichever suits him at the moment.
Between bottles and gas bubbles in his little tummy I don't know if I am coming or going. But I just remind myself, that hey two more weeks and we can start the process of sleep training. Whew let the days and nights get flipped back the right way.
In addition to sleep deprivation, the last few days/week or so I have been dealing with this wound vac. It is seriously effective but from a mental standpoint I felt fragile. I mean here I am with this machine and tubing hanging off me down to my toes, having to drag it around with me 24 hours a day, it was discouraging. Baby blues wanted to set in but I said the hell with that and called my nurse and asked if I could go outside for short walks. She said yes but just take it easy, no 'exercise' worthy walking is how I took that. OMG the sun was wonderful it renewed me and made me feel like okay this sucks but not completely. And now after following all or most of the nurses rules I am wound vac free, down to wet/dry compresses and only having to see the nurse two days a week instead of three. And now she is here 15/20 min instead of 30 minutes to an hour and a half. God is great, I prayed for supernatural healing and there he is.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Victory, A Caesarean section and aftermath
He's here, He's here. Alexander Emerson Wheat has arrived. 9lbs 2 oz and 22 inches long. We are so happy so thrilled to have this lil man, who was born by caesarean on the 22nd.
I went in on the 21st to be induced at 41 weeks and 3 days, labored for 24 hours and our Alex still would not line up with the birth canal. The hubbin and I were exhausted. We had beena in constant prayer the whole time, and we were at the decision making point. So when the Dr. announced that Alex simply was not going to come on down and a caesarean would be neccesary, although hubby was a somewhat afraid for me, we both agreed I and Alex had given it our best.
The hardest part of the whole ordeal was prepping for surgery, then being laid down flat angel style on my back and waiting for it all to begin, but before I could ask if they had started yet, they were showing me over the veil a beautiful brown baby who was screaming his head off. Hubbin was smiling and trying to get me to focus my eyes. I was breathing big sighs of relief, he was here. My spirit was shouting thank you thank you thank you.
Alex, sigh Alex is the most beautiful handsome little boy we have ever laid our eyes on. I am ecstatic that he looks just like his daddy, since I think my hubby is quit handsome. All I do is kiss his lil fat rolls and his cheeks. When everyone is home and in bed and invariably watching Care Bears cause that is Layna's thing now, I marvel at the goodness of God. All I ever wanted was a family and here they are. God is good.
Now the aftermath
I didn't heal right, developed a hematoma,a blood clot, my incision also opened up just a bit and I had a tunnel which is basically another part of the wound that didn't close right. As a result, I am now on antibiotics to keep off infection. I have a home health nurse who came and attached wound vac inside my wound to help me heal from the inside out. I have to wear the contraption for 6-8 weeks or maybe 4-6 on the low end.
No driving and no fun summer trips. Which the last part there really sucks I wanted hubby and Layna to have fun wife/mama back and to do stuff. Sigh....I can't even drive or clean or pick up Layna or Alex for that matter. I tried to get back to my routine, result, wound vac detached had to call nurse out early. When she learned I had given Layna a bath she fussed for a solid 20 minutes, and reiterated i was to do nothing if i wanted to heal. She told my aunt and family the same thing and before she left she said and i quote "respect the wound, I mean you have a hole in your stomach"--that caught my attention. So I have been resting, and trying not to go out of my mind thinking of the millionth thing I wanted and had planned to do this summer for the family and the hubby and Layna and the house. Only great spot is that I am so tuned in to Alex during the day. But I immediately wish I could have Layna here during the day too, and I consciously turn away from feeling guilty about that. So weekends are Layna days with mama.
I don't really care about the set back. I will heal from this because God is a healer. I will bounce back from this better than ever. I am so happy and grateful I don't know what to do. God is good and his mercy lasts forever and ever.
Psalms 30:2
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
I went in on the 21st to be induced at 41 weeks and 3 days, labored for 24 hours and our Alex still would not line up with the birth canal. The hubbin and I were exhausted. We had beena in constant prayer the whole time, and we were at the decision making point. So when the Dr. announced that Alex simply was not going to come on down and a caesarean would be neccesary, although hubby was a somewhat afraid for me, we both agreed I and Alex had given it our best.
The hardest part of the whole ordeal was prepping for surgery, then being laid down flat angel style on my back and waiting for it all to begin, but before I could ask if they had started yet, they were showing me over the veil a beautiful brown baby who was screaming his head off. Hubbin was smiling and trying to get me to focus my eyes. I was breathing big sighs of relief, he was here. My spirit was shouting thank you thank you thank you.
Alex, sigh Alex is the most beautiful handsome little boy we have ever laid our eyes on. I am ecstatic that he looks just like his daddy, since I think my hubby is quit handsome. All I do is kiss his lil fat rolls and his cheeks. When everyone is home and in bed and invariably watching Care Bears cause that is Layna's thing now, I marvel at the goodness of God. All I ever wanted was a family and here they are. God is good.
Now the aftermath
I didn't heal right, developed a hematoma,a blood clot, my incision also opened up just a bit and I had a tunnel which is basically another part of the wound that didn't close right. As a result, I am now on antibiotics to keep off infection. I have a home health nurse who came and attached wound vac inside my wound to help me heal from the inside out. I have to wear the contraption for 6-8 weeks or maybe 4-6 on the low end.
No driving and no fun summer trips. Which the last part there really sucks I wanted hubby and Layna to have fun wife/mama back and to do stuff. Sigh....I can't even drive or clean or pick up Layna or Alex for that matter. I tried to get back to my routine, result, wound vac detached had to call nurse out early. When she learned I had given Layna a bath she fussed for a solid 20 minutes, and reiterated i was to do nothing if i wanted to heal. She told my aunt and family the same thing and before she left she said and i quote "respect the wound, I mean you have a hole in your stomach"--that caught my attention. So I have been resting, and trying not to go out of my mind thinking of the millionth thing I wanted and had planned to do this summer for the family and the hubby and Layna and the house. Only great spot is that I am so tuned in to Alex during the day. But I immediately wish I could have Layna here during the day too, and I consciously turn away from feeling guilty about that. So weekends are Layna days with mama.
I don't really care about the set back. I will heal from this because God is a healer. I will bounce back from this better than ever. I am so happy and grateful I don't know what to do. God is good and his mercy lasts forever and ever.
Psalms 30:2
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Sermon - On Time God
Today I went to church. First off let me say that we are regular attendees but the last few weeks I have just not been up going physically.
Man let me tell you the stress that I was under, the body tiredness and all of that that both hubbin and I were feeling was on us. I was struggling to keep my attitude cheery and not letting the strain show through. I was losing that battle.
Sleep evades me at night, and with the BP issues and just everything in between by the time Sunday gets here I am just fatigued. But this morning I woke up wanting to go to the house of the Lord. I needed to get our family back into the house of the Lord. That was my thought. Not that I needed a word, just that hey Team Wheatie spends time with the Lord worshipping and learning..... So we went to church.
Man let me tell you the stress that I was under, the body tiredness and all of that that both hubbin and I were feeling was on us. I was struggling to keep my attitude cheery and not letting the strain show through. I was losing that battle.
Friday hubbin and I discussed the c-section and he said finally he did not agree but would support. Which is not our way, hubbin and I are always like 99% of the time on the same page, but I was so scared I was like okay if he consents then that isn't really rebellion. So i called the dr and said we have decided to schedule a elective c-section. Dr calls back and says ummm no that is not an option you have right now, goes on to explain that we need to stick to the plan check the baby on Monday and see if a csection is best course of action, but as for right now we don't want to go that drastic. Hubby was in the background nodding his head. I of course was frustrated! Big sis calls and says Keda be still, vaginal is best unless otherwise stated.
So why was I frustrated, well two reasons. One I felt like okay csection, would be less stressful than birth, dr dispelled that in his discussion, and two, i was scared cause Alex was so high. Like I told Dr, it isn't about me being frustrated with still being pregnant, and having to still be uncomfortable/ I just love my baby. and my MIND, Lord Lord Keda's mind is a problem solving mind. My mind is like well if a csection is a possible third option, lets just cut me and get my baby out and put him in my arms so that I can love him and take care of him and protect him even more. To me going the drastic route with surgery (drastic for the woman) was the best course of action, cause I am not worried about me. My mind my heart is focused on Alex.
I am the type of person I entertain very little fear, not scared of life in any sense, not scared of death or this thing or that thing etc, I feel like, hey I know Jesus, so its whatever, Ohhh but when it comes to my family, my husband, my children.... I am the first to holler chicken, give it all away to make them safe.
Hubbin puts it this way, I have no real deep regard for my own personal safety. He doesn't say this to say I am reckless, no that is not it at all. He says that because I am more prone to look out for them than me. He says it is his job to look out for me. I suppose so, cause I think it is my personal mission to look out for him and the kids. They cough wrong, I'm like what's that, where is the cough syrup, call the pediatrician. Yes I am that mama. Flu season comes, I have everybody in the house taking vitamin C and echinacea. So you seeing going into major surgery electively for my child is not a big stretch for me. But when the Dr advised that more c section babies end up in the NICU than vaginally born and that instead of going that route we should keep to the plan and that he would be watching baby closely and doing what is right for baby regardless, I calmed down.
I calmed down because obviously at that moment, when I am running around in fear and not faith, God said 'let me stop this girl.'
The "no" was stressful, I cried and then I prayed. Which leads me to today Sunday. Got up at 4am prayed and then later on we went to church.
Our pastor preached from the book of James on Trials and Temptations. He quoted some of my favorite scriptures on Trials, many of which are in this blog. But what really blessed my spirit was at the end Pastor Chris said, "I know you are exhausted, but if you would just keep going pressing forward, you will receive all God has for you'...
That touched me so cause I am exhausted in my spirit, but here I stand Lord, believing you for Alexander's very life. Thanking you for this child born happy healthy and whole. When the devil attacks my mind with fears out of my mouth I speak God's blessing over Alex. When I can't sleep I pray, when it is quiet I pray. Not just for Alex, but for my noble Hubbin who is tired to, for my Layna who needs her mama back to be her play mate. i am constantly in a some kind of prayer.
But this I know God is able, and Alex will be born happy and healthy and whole and alive with all of his functions intact. The labor and delivery will be smooth and I will give God all the glory for it.
Battle Cry for Today:
Isaiah 55:11 NIV
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it
Thursday, May 15, 2014
C-Section
40 weeks and a two days,
Genera mood, emotionally exhausted
Body -> extremely exhausted, sleep is not my friend.
I can't sleep at night, my back aches if i lie straight, pillows are not helping that much. I go from the couch to the bed to the couch and back again.
Alex is not engaged in the pelvis, he is still really high. Has mama scared to the point I want to run right out of my skin. Dr has told me to wait it out over the weekend. Sonogram on Monday, possibility of C-Section. I am scared to the point I don't know what to do.
My nerves are on edge to the point I can't stand the wind changing, my hair hitting my face. Nothing....So of course I am quiet and praying. Praying constantly for the life of my child. People do not understand so there is no need to talk to people.
I am unnerved and in need of the Lord, so i politely cut off my phone. In my mind I am in one spot and that is kneeling at the throne praying for my child. Constantly praying for him. I will not give up my faith, I will not stop praising God for his very life. Instead I rebuke Satan off of this situation and will hunker down with the Lord. I am tired in my spirit this particular battle from beginning to end has been a lot. But just like Layna I will keep battling for Alex, going to God in the spirit.
Praise God for his very life.
Battle Cry:
God is able. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.
Genera mood, emotionally exhausted
Body -> extremely exhausted, sleep is not my friend.
I can't sleep at night, my back aches if i lie straight, pillows are not helping that much. I go from the couch to the bed to the couch and back again.
Alex is not engaged in the pelvis, he is still really high. Has mama scared to the point I want to run right out of my skin. Dr has told me to wait it out over the weekend. Sonogram on Monday, possibility of C-Section. I am scared to the point I don't know what to do.
My nerves are on edge to the point I can't stand the wind changing, my hair hitting my face. Nothing....So of course I am quiet and praying. Praying constantly for the life of my child. People do not understand so there is no need to talk to people.
I am unnerved and in need of the Lord, so i politely cut off my phone. In my mind I am in one spot and that is kneeling at the throne praying for my child. Constantly praying for him. I will not give up my faith, I will not stop praising God for his very life. Instead I rebuke Satan off of this situation and will hunker down with the Lord. I am tired in my spirit this particular battle from beginning to end has been a lot. But just like Layna I will keep battling for Alex, going to God in the spirit.
Praise God for his very life.
Battle Cry:
God is able. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Extreme Bed Rest
38 weeks and 6 days
It has been a horrible day. Started the day with a head ache, pressure up and down all day.
Layna has whined all day long, and I don't know if it is just lack of sleep or worry or stress or counting kicks all day but the whinning has literally driven me up a wall.
I called the dr on call/nurse practitioner and gave her my information about the headaches, the pressure, heart racing, she said pressure was not too bad, but from here on out I am to be on extreme bed rest instead of modified. Meaning i only get up to pee. This worried me like none other.
For the last month or so i have had to really watch the pressure. My body is doing well, but it was like no extra nothing was going to be done. I would walk from the parking lot to the door of my office and have to stop and sit on the green chairs right inside the door to catch my breathe, sweat pouring down my face like I had run a marathon. Go to the bathroom wash my face off with cold water before I went to my desk. It was a uphill battle.
I am so tired of being tired, that is one theme of this blog.... I am always tired. I can't even cook or get the babies room together cause I am sweating and my heart is racing.Can't sweep, do laundry nothing. At this point all I literally can do it sit still. I am so frustrated with that I don't know what to do......
But I keep praying. At this point that is all i got. Believing God that the breakthrough, the birth of this happy healthy child is on the way. I hope so cause I am tired from my mind to my body, my spirit, my soul, my feet are tired.
Only a mother knows what it is to carry a child. To love them from the moment of conception. I am so stressed, i don't know if I should walk in the dr's office tomorrow and demand to be induced or if I should wait on God. Given Layna was distressed some and the cord was around her neck I am scared to be induced. I am scared to let Alex stay in the womb to long either with BP going up and down.
I am distressed and can't come to a decision which is sooo unlike me, that it is literally causing me to be unnerved. I am hoping that the decision won't be mine. That I will go into labor. I am praying to go into labor naturally, cause I am ready and I am tired. Between trying to keep my bp down, and counting kicks and numerous dr visits, and prayer and just believing God, I am exhausted. Did you know believing is a choice it is all a choice. I believe God for Alexander Emerson Wheat.
I know the breakthrough is coming cause I'm at the end of all possible strength I have. I am literally leaning on grace right now. Believing that I won't fall.
Battle Cry for today:
Psalms 46:10
Be Still and know that I am God
Isaiah 26:13
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you
John 16:21-24
21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
It has been a horrible day. Started the day with a head ache, pressure up and down all day.
Layna has whined all day long, and I don't know if it is just lack of sleep or worry or stress or counting kicks all day but the whinning has literally driven me up a wall.
I called the dr on call/nurse practitioner and gave her my information about the headaches, the pressure, heart racing, she said pressure was not too bad, but from here on out I am to be on extreme bed rest instead of modified. Meaning i only get up to pee. This worried me like none other.
For the last month or so i have had to really watch the pressure. My body is doing well, but it was like no extra nothing was going to be done. I would walk from the parking lot to the door of my office and have to stop and sit on the green chairs right inside the door to catch my breathe, sweat pouring down my face like I had run a marathon. Go to the bathroom wash my face off with cold water before I went to my desk. It was a uphill battle.
I am so tired of being tired, that is one theme of this blog.... I am always tired. I can't even cook or get the babies room together cause I am sweating and my heart is racing.Can't sweep, do laundry nothing. At this point all I literally can do it sit still. I am so frustrated with that I don't know what to do......
I AM FRUSTRATED
But I keep praying. At this point that is all i got. Believing God that the breakthrough, the birth of this happy healthy child is on the way. I hope so cause I am tired from my mind to my body, my spirit, my soul, my feet are tired.
Only a mother knows what it is to carry a child. To love them from the moment of conception. I am so stressed, i don't know if I should walk in the dr's office tomorrow and demand to be induced or if I should wait on God. Given Layna was distressed some and the cord was around her neck I am scared to be induced. I am scared to let Alex stay in the womb to long either with BP going up and down.
I am distressed and can't come to a decision which is sooo unlike me, that it is literally causing me to be unnerved. I am hoping that the decision won't be mine. That I will go into labor. I am praying to go into labor naturally, cause I am ready and I am tired. Between trying to keep my bp down, and counting kicks and numerous dr visits, and prayer and just believing God, I am exhausted. Did you know believing is a choice it is all a choice. I believe God for Alexander Emerson Wheat.
I know the breakthrough is coming cause I'm at the end of all possible strength I have. I am literally leaning on grace right now. Believing that I won't fall.
Battle Cry for today:
Psalms 46:10
Be Still and know that I am God
Isaiah 26:13
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you
John 16:21-24
21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
4 am Prayer
38 weeks pregnant and three days
Feeling lots of pressure, think I had some contractions earlier in the day!
Lord this has been such a very long road. At this point my body is exhausted, my mind is exhausted, I am exhausted. I have been sick with this and that most of this pregnancy. I have been to the emergency room twice, bit by a spider, severe constipation, hemorrhoids to the point I could not sit on my bottom, extreme fatigue like extreme, and had blood pressure swings. But yet I rejoice because God is faithful.
He not only blessed me to conceive he has carried me and this baby to 38 weeks and a few days. I feel Alex jumping around in my body. I have and continue to wake up everyday to pray the blood over his life, over my blood pressure. I believe Alex will be born happy healthy and whole. I believe God.
Who I am has evolved so much in this journey. To the point that I can tell you who I was spiritually, and emotionally, has evolved and matured so much. I have literally seen the hand of God perform miracles in my life, in my health, and in every other aspect of my life.
Then when I felt at my lowest he used me to be encouragement in other people's lives. Dropped family, friends and even associates in my spirit during prayer time. I prayed for them, and God gave me words of encouragement for them. He has brought me and my husband closer and brought more one-ship in Christ in our marriage. Let me see even more beauty and depth of character in him than I have ever seen. The same for my beautiful Alayna. Being her mother is a joy and I go to God constantly to help me raise her, help me protect her spirit and deposit into her the things of I Christ. I pray over her and Alex and generations to come constantly. I pray for their safety, for their character, that they know Christ at an early age, that grace and favor go before them in all they do. I pray their safety, I even pray for their spouses. I cover my children and my husband in prayer daily.
I suppose this entry is just to say God is! He is faithful, and he is loving..If you seek him you will find him and in him rest for your spirit.
Battle Cry:
Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours
Feeling lots of pressure, think I had some contractions earlier in the day!
Lord this has been such a very long road. At this point my body is exhausted, my mind is exhausted, I am exhausted. I have been sick with this and that most of this pregnancy. I have been to the emergency room twice, bit by a spider, severe constipation, hemorrhoids to the point I could not sit on my bottom, extreme fatigue like extreme, and had blood pressure swings. But yet I rejoice because God is faithful.
He not only blessed me to conceive he has carried me and this baby to 38 weeks and a few days. I feel Alex jumping around in my body. I have and continue to wake up everyday to pray the blood over his life, over my blood pressure. I believe Alex will be born happy healthy and whole. I believe God.
Who I am has evolved so much in this journey. To the point that I can tell you who I was spiritually, and emotionally, has evolved and matured so much. I have literally seen the hand of God perform miracles in my life, in my health, and in every other aspect of my life.
Then when I felt at my lowest he used me to be encouragement in other people's lives. Dropped family, friends and even associates in my spirit during prayer time. I prayed for them, and God gave me words of encouragement for them. He has brought me and my husband closer and brought more one-ship in Christ in our marriage. Let me see even more beauty and depth of character in him than I have ever seen. The same for my beautiful Alayna. Being her mother is a joy and I go to God constantly to help me raise her, help me protect her spirit and deposit into her the things of I Christ. I pray over her and Alex and generations to come constantly. I pray for their safety, for their character, that they know Christ at an early age, that grace and favor go before them in all they do. I pray their safety, I even pray for their spouses. I cover my children and my husband in prayer daily.
I suppose this entry is just to say God is! He is faithful, and he is loving..If you seek him you will find him and in him rest for your spirit.
Battle Cry:
Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours
Sunday, April 27, 2014
38 Weeks - Tired
Praise God, Monday makes 38 weeks.
I am ready for this little boy to come on out. My body is exhausted, I have a sinus infection that WILL NOT go away, i need a allergy shot, and he is jumping on my bladder while his feet are kicking me in the ribs. Yes my husband is tall if you are wondering. My fist daughter was very long, kicked mama's ribs too. Lord...I just praise God for a happy healthy baby and delivery.
I love this child so much, love seeing him move in my belly. Love it when Hubbin rub the belly and kiss the belly, but the body, my body is tireeeeeddd///// Lord your servant is tired.
Still I'm holding on. Praying for him daily in the morning ,loving him all day long, and believing God for him. I can do it. I am believing God for him.
Battle Cry:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen! Hallelujah.
I am ready for this little boy to come on out. My body is exhausted, I have a sinus infection that WILL NOT go away, i need a allergy shot, and he is jumping on my bladder while his feet are kicking me in the ribs. Yes my husband is tall if you are wondering. My fist daughter was very long, kicked mama's ribs too. Lord...I just praise God for a happy healthy baby and delivery.
I love this child so much, love seeing him move in my belly. Love it when Hubbin rub the belly and kiss the belly, but the body, my body is tireeeeeddd///// Lord your servant is tired.
Still I'm holding on. Praying for him daily in the morning ,loving him all day long, and believing God for him. I can do it. I am believing God for him.
Battle Cry:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen! Hallelujah.
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