Hey in the city of my birth this morning.
Early as normal.
11.5 weeks pregnant. Praying constantly for our lil one.
So I want to write about expectations. Specifically, our expectations of other people. My mama gave me a piece of advise - and it is something that has stayed with me continuously. My mama said, "Kiki you expect to much of people"....
I have learned to lower my expectations. At the end of the day you have to be able to evaluate the people in your life and say ok. God has you hear for a reason or a season. Maybe your season has come to a close. Or maybe I need to realize just as I am complex and have my faults so do you.
In that understanding, I need to be prayerful and deliberate in looking at you as a whole and if the sum total of you is mostly good as I see it then it is up to me and my level of maturity to understand that that is enough.
It comes from understanding that no one person, mama, family, or spouse is going to bring you happiness. Happiness originates in and sustains by the Lord of Lords, and when you realize that you can accept that although your relationships are not perfect and although you as a person is not perfect its ok. I guess to say I have lowered my expectations of people is bad to say, it may be more correct to say I have realized no one person is everything and they were not intended to be.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Heatbeat and Fatigue
Hello All-
It has been a while. Let me say that is because I have been soooo unbelievably exhausted. And i don't mean like my regular kind. I mean first trimester coupled with hypothyroidism tired. I get up in the morning with this pregnancy and i feel great. Drastic difference from my lil Layna, with Layna i would get up and feel unbelievably sick. It would be a struggle to go to work but around 9am I would feel a lot better. This pregnancy I get up feeling good, but as the day goes on I am beyond tired.
I eat breakfast here between 6:00 and 6:30, then around 9 get some fruit from the cafeteria at work.
Then i eat another snack around 10 am and then on to lunch. All the while keeping myself hydrated, having taken the Armour. But invariably around 1:30 or 2, I am dragging and not a normal dragging. Dragging like I need to go to bed right then and there. Not a nap, but go to bed for the day. I get up several times during this span from 1:30 - 5:00 and go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face and jump in the stall or whatever trying to wake up. I don't know what happens, but my body literally slows all the way down. I kinda wish it was the other way around like with Layna cause at least then I didn't have brain fog during work hours. Oh yeah baby, not only am I physically tired, I feel like I slow down mentally as well. I don't know if other preggars out there feel the same or if it is the hypothyroidism combined with the preggars. But whatever the real culprit or combo is I am exhausted. Henry says it was the same with Layna but it just didn't strike during the day.
On a positive note I went to the doctor and saw the heartbeat for the first time, saw her whole little body just floating away. Heartbeat was 170 which is on the faster side, but Layna's first heartbeat reading was high 160's. Both fall into the range of strong and normal. I praise God. Like when i say I praise God. I praise God no one but him could have brought me this far. No one but God is responsible for healing my body to the point i was able to conceive on my own. He says faith without works is dead. I put in the work, and he blessed me with this child. The bible says children are a "heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalms 127:3
A word about life- we are fostering one of the dearest little boys. He is our first foster care child and he is precious. We love him, he is only short term as it turns out, as he will get to hopefully go home with his maternal grandmother before long.
Truth right. I have to bring truth to this blog. The truth is that fostering is an act of love, but you don't fall in love with the child right away. I wasn't necessarily prepared for that. You care for them and at their first smile and coo which can and for us did take some time to come. You grow attached to them. I was very surprised by this because I was so ready to give more love which I have. But I am not in love with him, like I am in love with Layna and this child that is growing inside of me. I cuddle him and kiss on him and pray for him and take care of him and am growing attached to him. But it is more of the mama in me that took over first not this instantaneous love I thought would.
Poor baby, he miss his mama too. He is only one but he literally cried for his mama for 48 hour straights. Like "maaaamaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaa" like he was calling her to come and get him calling her. He woke on up full day one, morning wide eyed and scared which is normal. He immediately then cried for his mama- a long mournful wail for mama. Me and Henry make a point of not holding babies all day so they don't cry all night and all day long, but we busted that rule for him. The only time he would calm down is when we were not only holding him but cuddling him close. It doesn't take a genius to realize he needed some physical comfort for quite a bit of time to make him calm down. It is going on a month now and he is just now getting to the point where he feels comfy enough here to crawl on the floor and play with the toys without being in our arms. We have got him walking more and smiling more and bought clothes for him and we figured out he gets bad gas and has a problem pooping. Which causes for lots of fiber, lots of oatmeal. He came with a cold it has not gone away, so i have decided to start giving him some hot tea and stuff to help with the congestion, the foster worker was so sweet and is working on getting me his medicare number so I can take him to the doctor. It is all a process and you have to be patient. Your baby, cause he is mine as long as he is in my house he is mine, doesn't go to the front of the case load, it doesn't work like that. You leave a message for the worker just like everyone else does.
On a positive note, I bought him a Halloween costume because I bought Layna one and as my mama always taught me you do not make any difference between children. Anyway bought him a costume and he smiled at it. I hope he has a good time. I am going to take pictures of him in it so that when he goes home to his grandma at least she can see he was treated good and was happy during his time away from their overall family unit. I think that is all i have to say about fostering.
Being a mama is a great responsibility and children do not need to be in foster care if at all possible. Not because people won't take care of them. But from what I have learned from this dear one, if they have been with their mama's and family for any length of time they miss those people tremendously. Tremendously. It breaks my heart. Cause all foster homes are not gonna be good homes. I knew people growing up on my block who fostered and it was like a puppy mill (home enterprise) for this one older lady. I don't think down here people are as deep as all that like they were in a major city but still dude try if at all possible to keep your children out of the system.
I am so happy and fulfilled God is sooo good. I pray that when I release this blog people will be encouraged and know that Through God all is possible.
Battle Cry for Today
Mathew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
It has been a while. Let me say that is because I have been soooo unbelievably exhausted. And i don't mean like my regular kind. I mean first trimester coupled with hypothyroidism tired. I get up in the morning with this pregnancy and i feel great. Drastic difference from my lil Layna, with Layna i would get up and feel unbelievably sick. It would be a struggle to go to work but around 9am I would feel a lot better. This pregnancy I get up feeling good, but as the day goes on I am beyond tired.
I eat breakfast here between 6:00 and 6:30, then around 9 get some fruit from the cafeteria at work.
Then i eat another snack around 10 am and then on to lunch. All the while keeping myself hydrated, having taken the Armour. But invariably around 1:30 or 2, I am dragging and not a normal dragging. Dragging like I need to go to bed right then and there. Not a nap, but go to bed for the day. I get up several times during this span from 1:30 - 5:00 and go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face and jump in the stall or whatever trying to wake up. I don't know what happens, but my body literally slows all the way down. I kinda wish it was the other way around like with Layna cause at least then I didn't have brain fog during work hours. Oh yeah baby, not only am I physically tired, I feel like I slow down mentally as well. I don't know if other preggars out there feel the same or if it is the hypothyroidism combined with the preggars. But whatever the real culprit or combo is I am exhausted. Henry says it was the same with Layna but it just didn't strike during the day.
On a positive note I went to the doctor and saw the heartbeat for the first time, saw her whole little body just floating away. Heartbeat was 170 which is on the faster side, but Layna's first heartbeat reading was high 160's. Both fall into the range of strong and normal. I praise God. Like when i say I praise God. I praise God no one but him could have brought me this far. No one but God is responsible for healing my body to the point i was able to conceive on my own. He says faith without works is dead. I put in the work, and he blessed me with this child. The bible says children are a "heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Psalms 127:3
A word about life- we are fostering one of the dearest little boys. He is our first foster care child and he is precious. We love him, he is only short term as it turns out, as he will get to hopefully go home with his maternal grandmother before long.
Truth right. I have to bring truth to this blog. The truth is that fostering is an act of love, but you don't fall in love with the child right away. I wasn't necessarily prepared for that. You care for them and at their first smile and coo which can and for us did take some time to come. You grow attached to them. I was very surprised by this because I was so ready to give more love which I have. But I am not in love with him, like I am in love with Layna and this child that is growing inside of me. I cuddle him and kiss on him and pray for him and take care of him and am growing attached to him. But it is more of the mama in me that took over first not this instantaneous love I thought would.
Poor baby, he miss his mama too. He is only one but he literally cried for his mama for 48 hour straights. Like "maaaamaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaa" like he was calling her to come and get him calling her. He woke on up full day one, morning wide eyed and scared which is normal. He immediately then cried for his mama- a long mournful wail for mama. Me and Henry make a point of not holding babies all day so they don't cry all night and all day long, but we busted that rule for him. The only time he would calm down is when we were not only holding him but cuddling him close. It doesn't take a genius to realize he needed some physical comfort for quite a bit of time to make him calm down. It is going on a month now and he is just now getting to the point where he feels comfy enough here to crawl on the floor and play with the toys without being in our arms. We have got him walking more and smiling more and bought clothes for him and we figured out he gets bad gas and has a problem pooping. Which causes for lots of fiber, lots of oatmeal. He came with a cold it has not gone away, so i have decided to start giving him some hot tea and stuff to help with the congestion, the foster worker was so sweet and is working on getting me his medicare number so I can take him to the doctor. It is all a process and you have to be patient. Your baby, cause he is mine as long as he is in my house he is mine, doesn't go to the front of the case load, it doesn't work like that. You leave a message for the worker just like everyone else does.
On a positive note, I bought him a Halloween costume because I bought Layna one and as my mama always taught me you do not make any difference between children. Anyway bought him a costume and he smiled at it. I hope he has a good time. I am going to take pictures of him in it so that when he goes home to his grandma at least she can see he was treated good and was happy during his time away from their overall family unit. I think that is all i have to say about fostering.
Being a mama is a great responsibility and children do not need to be in foster care if at all possible. Not because people won't take care of them. But from what I have learned from this dear one, if they have been with their mama's and family for any length of time they miss those people tremendously. Tremendously. It breaks my heart. Cause all foster homes are not gonna be good homes. I knew people growing up on my block who fostered and it was like a puppy mill (home enterprise) for this one older lady. I don't think down here people are as deep as all that like they were in a major city but still dude try if at all possible to keep your children out of the system.
I am so happy and fulfilled God is sooo good. I pray that when I release this blog people will be encouraged and know that Through God all is possible.
Battle Cry for Today
Mathew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Little Women and Anxiousness
So i am huge already. No not really, but I am 200 lbs. Which is not bad.
Blood pressure normal.
Today I had sausage and eggs with one piece of whole wheat toast.
lunch i had a cup of french onion soup, and a chicken ceasar salad from Jason's Deli. I had them check to make sure that the ceasar dressing came bottled and not made there because of the whole no raw eggs thing.
I am up watching LIttle Women on TV. I love the part where the DR says there is nothing he can do for Beth, oh but when the mama come Home. When the mama come home she is not going to let the sun set on her child without at least trying. At least fighting. I just like that scene as a mama. I like that scene from a biblical standpoint as well. When the doctors think they have given the last word. The Lord shows up and says, hold on.... I am not done here. When they said I was infertile, needed treatment, the Lord literally sustained me. Literally said hold on that is not the last word. He gave me strength to press on. He gave me strength to withstand the fear and the pressure and he gave me the words to just go to him in prayer and ask him to bless me to try naturally just one more time. God is good. I praise him continually. If you read this paragraph you will realize God was there in the valley, he was there in the pit, and he was and is still here on the other side bringing me to the fruition of his promises.
I am stressed because I forgot about the Deli meats, and ate at McAlister's Deli, so now I am just like Lord no Lysteria. I am going to the doctor for the first appointment on October 8th. i am just thanking God for hearing the baby's heartbeat and for the Lysteria test coming back negative.
Pregnancy does make me anxious, not like lets take a Xanax anxious, but like aware of everything anxious. Am I eating right, did i have deli meat when i wasn't supposed to... Stuff like that.
Sigh. I think to the lack of control also makes me anxious. The understanding that there is only so much I can do to protect and nurtur this child, but ultimately God is in control of getting her here and for a happy successful delivery. So yeah being pregnant is an walk in faith for me.
I wake up at 4am every morning to pray for my child, and then I end up praying for Layna and Henry and I marriage and our family in general and everything under the sun. I pray for Brina and her pregnancy. Just everything. My point is I guess is that God brought me to this point of conceiving and I am believing he will bring forth my live happy healthy baby at the appointed time. I thank God for this child
Blood pressure normal.
Today I had sausage and eggs with one piece of whole wheat toast.
lunch i had a cup of french onion soup, and a chicken ceasar salad from Jason's Deli. I had them check to make sure that the ceasar dressing came bottled and not made there because of the whole no raw eggs thing.
I am up watching LIttle Women on TV. I love the part where the DR says there is nothing he can do for Beth, oh but when the mama come Home. When the mama come home she is not going to let the sun set on her child without at least trying. At least fighting. I just like that scene as a mama. I like that scene from a biblical standpoint as well. When the doctors think they have given the last word. The Lord shows up and says, hold on.... I am not done here. When they said I was infertile, needed treatment, the Lord literally sustained me. Literally said hold on that is not the last word. He gave me strength to press on. He gave me strength to withstand the fear and the pressure and he gave me the words to just go to him in prayer and ask him to bless me to try naturally just one more time. God is good. I praise him continually. If you read this paragraph you will realize God was there in the valley, he was there in the pit, and he was and is still here on the other side bringing me to the fruition of his promises.
I am stressed because I forgot about the Deli meats, and ate at McAlister's Deli, so now I am just like Lord no Lysteria. I am going to the doctor for the first appointment on October 8th. i am just thanking God for hearing the baby's heartbeat and for the Lysteria test coming back negative.
Pregnancy does make me anxious, not like lets take a Xanax anxious, but like aware of everything anxious. Am I eating right, did i have deli meat when i wasn't supposed to... Stuff like that.
Sigh. I think to the lack of control also makes me anxious. The understanding that there is only so much I can do to protect and nurtur this child, but ultimately God is in control of getting her here and for a happy successful delivery. So yeah being pregnant is an walk in faith for me.
I wake up at 4am every morning to pray for my child, and then I end up praying for Layna and Henry and I marriage and our family in general and everything under the sun. I pray for Brina and her pregnancy. Just everything. My point is I guess is that God brought me to this point of conceiving and I am believing he will bring forth my live happy healthy baby at the appointed time. I thank God for this child
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